Anger Management
by TheGreatDesign
Summary: Once in a while change is necessary, but this time Melanie might not have wanted it. First the new family member, then La push, and to top it all off an angering werewolf who wants nothing else than to annoy the fuck out of her. Yes, Melanie boston Uley did not expect this. Paul & OC
1. the Fear

**Hi! So I found out that I hated my last story and wanted to change som things about it, however the changes are so big that I'm making it a new story. And these first chapters will be a trial to see if I'll continue this or not so please review :) And I could use a beta..**  
**disclaimer: I do not own twilight or anything related to it**

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** 1. The Fear **

"NO!" I screamed as the tearing sound eloped in my ears and blood dripped slowly down her face. I wanted to die. Why had this happened to me? I didn't even know her, much less did I care about her, yet I was ready to change places with her. I wanted to protect her, something told me it was my job, but what did I have to offer? The pale person turned violently from her neck where the blood was running furiously down her body, soaking her clothes in crimson red.

It was a vampire.

"NO! STOP!" I cried out even louder feeling myself go weak. The only sound I managed to get out of the creature was a sneer, so vicious I should have screamed in fear. Yet I did not. "Get away from her… now." I said almost without sound. The vampire didn't answer, he just went back to finish his meal. I wanted to kill him, to rip him apart limp by limb and set fire on him. I wanted him to hurt. And I did nothing, I wasn't able to, I was too fragile, too human. I knew that he could very easily take me when he was done with the girl, but I still couldn't make myself move.

He came closer, walking slowly towards me while his eyes connected with mine, a warm comforting spark in them. "Don't worry, I'll be quick my love." A shiver went through my body when he called me my love and a sour taste developed in my mouth. He was standing only inches away from me, I didn't know how he did it so fast, then, he lifted his hand removing my soft, dark waves slowly from my neck. I closed my eyes as the fear attacked me, moving into every cell in my body forcing my heart to race off. I stopped breathing when I felt the cold lips on my neck and goose bumps appeared on my skin from the cold and I still didn't move. " Good bye my love," He said just before he was going to dig his teeth into my soft skin. "NO!" I suddenly exclaimed realizing what was actually happening to me, what he was doing! But it was too late, I screamed and screamed but no one heard me and just as I felt his teeth connect with my skin, my eyes burst open, leaving me breathing heavily in my bed, sweat dripping from my body.

A dream, Mel, That's all it was. Just a dream. I must say that I had a vivid imagination, vampires and stuff, yah know? They don't exist; still I dream about them and they feel so real. He always tried to kill me, but just when he was about to puncture my skin, I would wake up in fear.

and even though I was used to it, my heart was still racing inhumanly fast. "Fuck", I whispered quietly to myself and pushed my damp hair away from my face. Falling asleep again was out of the question, so I did what I always used to do.

My feet hit the cold floor quietly and I quickly got on my usual boots, taking with me my jacket in the process. Jane was sleeping on the bed opposite of mine and I almost always had to laugh at the sight of her sleeping form. From the name you would think that she was some nerd from one of Jane Austin's romances. But I knew better, Jane was spread across the bed, salvia dripping from her wide open mouth and a hand falling out of the bed. Yes, I almost always had to laugh when I saw her like this, but not today.

My eyes scanned the digital clock on the wall, taking in the bright red numbers and I sighed while walking out of the house. 03.42 AM. I hadn't slept right for days and I was starting to think that I would have some sort of break down.

They told me a short week ago, that they had found my brother, I mean. And I hadn't really known what to answer to that, for as long as I could remember I had lived with foster families and now, they suddenly found my long lost brother? I wasn't really sure what to believe. The cold air was throwing raindrops onto my face and I closed my eyes to avoid getting them in my eyes. The surroundings were cold and scary, especially with all the green, which I was far from used to, but I figured that I would have to get used to it.

I tried to warm myself up with my hands, but it was no use. I breathed out heavily and welcomed the sharp pain in my throat when I took a new breath. Behind me the house was completely dark, and I was standing in front of it watching the driveway carefully. There weren't any cars driving by, there weren't any ambulances trying to save humans and there weren't any sounds to indicate that there was actually anyone there. And in that very second I felt more abandoned than I had ever felt in my whole entire life. I pressed my eyes even tighter together, preventing the tears to come. There was nothing I hated more than having to cry, I always felt so vulnerable thinking that someone would show up and see me cry, so I did everything in my power to stop it. Even if I really wanted to.

I stuck my hand into the pocket I knew was in my jacket and picked out the envelope in it. It was folded in half and it wasn't hard to see that it was well read. My eyes opened as I took out the letter and the pictures inside the envelope. I read the first line of the letter, taking in the name they had written down and felt a strange sense of fear invade me.

"Dear Melanie Boston (Uley)

We have been able to contact one of your relatives, Samuel Uley…" and then I stopped reading. Samuel Uley, a guy I had never met in my life and who I had never heard of, was my brother. It was just so hard to believe that in only a few of hours he was going to take me home with him. He was barely four years older than me at the age of 21 and he was engaged to a woman named Emily Young. I held on to the picture they had sent me with the letter, wishing that I could see something familiar in them. But I couldn't, my life was so separated from what they had that it was hard to imagine me there.

Emily and Sam stood together in front of their house, smiling brightly. Emily had three long scars at the right side of her face which made her smile look a little strained, but I could still see how beautiful she was. Sam looked proud standing next to her, he was much taller than her and seemed like a really huge guy. It was obvious that he was a person of authority and that scared me a little.

Okay so I was kind of depressed right there and then, but I mean don't get the wrong impression, I wasn't like that.

"Hey, Melanie, maybe you should think of coming back in again", I turned around quickly the second I heard the voice, a startled gasp leaving my lips. There in the doorway stood Millard, a fifteen year old boy I had barely gotten to know throughout the week I had stayed here. "That's none of your business," I snapped back at him and turned around so that I wasn't able to look at him anymore. I could hear the door close behind me, but my stiff posture didn't let go so easily. "You're leaving in a couple of hours, and it's cold out here, you should really come inside," Millard said from behind me unaffected by the harsh tone I used when talking to him. "Millard, get the fuck away from me," I snapped again, feeling the annoyance build within me. I didn't like Millard, he always tried to tell me strange stuff and he was minding my business more than his own. This wasn't the first time he had come out during the night to tell me to get in again. When I heard the door shut behind me for the second time, I knew he was gone.

I was sitting on my newly made bed, my luggage placed by my feet and a black backpack hanging loosely on my shoulder. "I know you've only been here for a week, but I'll miss you Mel!" Jane said with a sad tinge to her voice. I smiled up at her and thought about giving her a hug, but decided not to. I wasn't one for hugs. She was still in her pj's and her hair was a big mess. Any other given day I would have laughed at her. "I'll call sometime", I said satisfied with my answer and stood up to walk into the common room of the house. Considering the fact that this was a house children stayed at until they got adopted or given to a foster home, this was necessary. Especially for the younger kids.

I could hear the car pull over, I could hear the footsteps as Sam walked across the lot and I could hear him knock on the door to the children's house. My lungs filled with air then and I was quick to put a smile on my face to meet my brother. My half brother.

I was standing near the door and fingered nervously with the zipper on my bag watching as the door swung open and Miss Watson greeted with the stranger. Meanwhile I walked over there all the same to do exactly that.

Sam was just as in the picture. Huge, handsome, and filled with authority. But the thing that scared me the most was how he had some of my features. His smile and lips, the dark brown hair and the shape of the eyes. I knew from that moment on that we were in fact siblings and that this was becoming real. "Hi," I said and tried to give him a real smile. He didn't notice me at first as he was talking to Miss Watson, but then he saw me.

A smile was plastered on his face and his warm eyes were looking at me. "Hey, you must be my sister!" he exclaimed and reached out to take my hand. It was embarrassing to say the least that I didn't do anything else than stare at the hand, avoiding the contact as well as I could. When he noticed my stare at his hand he removed it and just smiled friendly. "You can get in the car, I'll just sign some papers, okay?" he kept talking as if nothing had happened and I kind of appreciated that.

"So, how do you like the woods?" Sam asked from where he was sitting an awkward smile on his face. I guess he was trying to bond or something, it was actually really embarrassing. "Uh, I don't know, I don't have much experience with uh, tree's…" I mumbled stupidly as I glanced over at him from time to time. I huge smile was plastered on my face. Not because anything was particularly funny, but because I felt extremely awkward. It was as if my human self had another view on when to smile than other people.

It was raining like no tomorrow outside and the cold water was falling down on the car like bullets, I sighed pleasantly. "I like rain", I stated while looking at the big droplets. I could sense his smile all the way over to my seat and continued speaking. "I've never understood why people hate it, it's like taking a bath standing", I turned to him now, feeling the awkwardness disappear slightly. "Yeah, I guess you're right… you know you have a room by the yard, I think you'll be able to enjoy the rain there", I nodded.

"So this Emily young character, what happened to her face?" I asked ignoring how guilty I suddenly felt by asking. I mean come on, I wanted answers and technically I would probably get to know one time or another. Sam's appearance stiffened remarkably and I knew that this was some sort of sign of anger. He stared at the road for a couple more seconds before answering me, my teeth were chewing immensely at my lips craving blood. "She was attacked by a bear a few years ago, it's a sensitive spot", he said calmly, still I got the message. He didn't want me to mention it.

As if I would listen to him… one day or another I would know what happened. He was lying and it was really obvious. Maybe it was my skills in reading people, I had read a lot of books about that, or maybe he was just a really suckish liar.

The pickup truck Sam had was old, but I could feel the engine beneath is so I knew that the appearance had nothing to say. It smelled of wet fur and I didn't like that. "Okay," was my simple answer before I went back to being silent.

I was walking towards the house, letting the raindrops make me wet and observed the scene around me. It was still early, the clock barely ten in the morning, so you could see the day wake up. I was cold, but didn't mind since I would be inside soon enough. Sam was walking behind me carrying my bag. It made me kind of sad that I could fit everything I owned in a small bag that I knew wasn't even full. The house was small and white and even though the rain was making everything blurry I could see that someone was sitting inside through the window. I frowned but didn't say anything as I opened the door and walked in without waiting for Sam. excitement was filling up my body when I stepped inside.

The first thing I noticed was the unbelievably strong smell of wet dog in the room and then of course the other smell of something I would like to call food. Delicious, heavenly food… I felt salvia gather in my mouth and realized just then how long it had been since I had eaten. Lost in the daze of food I threw my backpack on the floor and walked towards the kitchen where I was sure the smell was coming from. Considering the fact that I had just stepped into the living room where the front door lead to I should have known that someone was watching me. The kitchen was connected to the living room and my eyes widened as I saw a woman standing behind the small counter balancing huge muffins on a plate. It was an old house, but it was renovated. That much I could tell from the new counter in front of me and the newly painted cabinets around the room. When the woman finally looked at me, standing there staring at the muffins she almost dropped the plate.

"Oh my god," she exclaimed with a shocked expression on her face while I just stood there, still staring at the muffins, waving awkwardly. I was sure she knew it was directed to her. A smile quickly replaced her shocked face just as a door slammed shut behind us. I cringed at the sound, but still found myself staring at the muffins."You must be Melanie, I'm Emily, Sam's fiancé". The woman said and smiled brightly as she walked towards me. My eyes went wide as I noticed the three huge scars she was sporting. They looked much more terrifying in person. "Holy mother of God," I squeaked out silently and quickly pretended not to have said anything.

"Emily, you made muffins," Sam Smiled as he walked towards his fiancé, hugging her from behind. I noticed how the smell of wet dog followed him and I cringed. "Sam! I was about to meet your sister, so if you don't mind get your dirty hands of me!" Emily squealed, clearly pretending to be angry.

I was disappointed in myself when I realized that I didn't laugh or smile at their behavior, and I felt the empty pit in my stomach grow. My eyes hit the ground like needles and I took a deep breath. Why couldn't I just be normal like everybody else? Why couldn't I have normal reactions?

"I'm sorry," I heard Sam whisper in Emily's ear and he let her go. She was smiling brightly and made a move to hug me, I barely escaped her hands. She cocked her head to the side with a bewildered look on her face. "Hi, I'm uh, Melanie… nice meeting you" I murmured and waved again. I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks and was thankful when Sam's hand took Emily's making her snap out of her stare. The embarrassment I was feeling is hard to even explain.

Emily was about to speak again, her face bright with compassion, when a sound came from the living room. Adrenalin rushed through my body and I turned around as quickly as I could while fear took over me. I yelped loudly when I saw who was standing before me…


	2. Suffocation

**hey, this is the next chapter. I'm posting every saturday :) please review and enjoy! (disclaimer: I do not own twilight or anything related to it)**

**-Emma  
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2

**Suffocation**

I stared at the five men in front of me, eyes wide as marbles and my mouth hanging slightly open. If my shocked expression wasn't enough to make them realize that I was, in fact, terrified I don't know what would have. I was afraid and with good reason! The Men were freaking huge! It was as if they were built with muscle, they were tall, had black cropped hair and were only wearing a pair of cut offs. Any sane person would have reacted like me, I'm sure of it. I stepped backwards, ignoring the sniggers that came from their direction and turned rapidly around when my back hit something hard.

"Hey, stop standing there like idiots and represent yourself!" Sam said placing his hands on my shoulder and leading me slightly forward making me realize that I had bumped into him. I immediately cringed at his touch and he let go so fast that I wondered if they had ever been there. "Oh yeah, of course…" the guy in the middle mumbled before he stuck out his huge hand motioning for me to take it. I swallowed hard and stared at the hand with wide eyes, if he hadn't gotten the message this shit was scaring me. My instincts told me to get the fuck out of there, but they were Sam's friends so they couldn't be that bad. "I'm Jacob Black, but you can call me Jake", he said grinning like a moron. When my eyes locked with his my instinct finally relaxed and I knew for certain that he was not going to hurt me. "Hi, I'm Melanie Boston," I waved my hand again, and felt the awkwardness invade the room. I would have to get a new way to greet with people.

Jake reminded me of a puppy, he had the typical puppy eyes and strong jaw. He was cute. I was very aware of the next guy that came forward to greet with me, he was slightly shorter than the others and had a childish grin on his face. "I'm Seth Clearwater," he was still grinning when he waved his and I nodded giving him a smile in return. Next to him stood a guy named Quil Ateara who was clearly unsure of how to act. He didn't take my hand and was very careful not to seem scary, I almost laughed at that. Then there was the last guy.

"And I'm Embry Call, it's nice meeting you Mel," he said almost rushed and quickly grabbed my hand in a forceful grip. My eyes went right up to his and I found the same comforting spark Jake had had in them, but it didn't help. It was too much and his hand was scorching hot. I yelped out in surprise and dragged my hand away from his as fast as I could, silently begging for him to let it go. I could feel the uneasiness creep into my body, swallowing the little part of me that was enjoying the encounter and gulped. Embry stared at me with confused eyes before he let go mumbling a silent apology before I excused myself and asked Sam if he could show me to my room.

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I was sitting on the bed inside my new room, my luggage lying on the floor next to it and my backpack sitting between my hands. The walls were painted in a light blue color, and there was nothing on them. Yes, this was my new room. I would have to get used to it, being in my own room, with my own things… God this was going to be hard. First I made a complete fool of myself with my strange behavior and then I couldn't even stay to meet and greet with the people _my h_a_lf brother_ clearly wanted me to meet. His fiancé even made me muffins! It was almost painful to leave the room with her eyes staring at me in bewilderment.

I sighed loudly and buried my face in my hands. I didn't fit in here, even my skin tone was wrong… they were russet and beautiful and I was pale and had green freaking eyes, nothing that would be different in a town where everything was green. After lying in my own misery for a couple of more seconds I decided to take out my little black book, there would have to something encouraging in there.

For the last four years I had been carrying with me a small book where I wrote down my favorite quotes as I found out about them. Whenever I felt sad, or crushed I just had to find the book and in there someone's words would somehow make me happier. When I found one I liked I read it out loud in a whisper: "_In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on." _it was a quote written by Robert Frost and somehow it always made me want to try. It always made me realize that there was no need to be afraid because life goes on and I would do fine.

Walking out of my room then wasn't so hard, and I quickly found a place on the dark brown couch in the corner of the living room when I realized that everyone was in the kitchen. I observed them silently, taking in their features, the way they acted, and what they said. The boys were throwing themselves over the muffins Emily had made, it looked disgusting, and they barely talked between the mouthfuls of food, but I managed to pick up a few sentences.

"Did something happen to her?" Jacob asked looking intently at Sam who shook his head. "Not that I know of," he seemed confused, but I would have been confused in his situation too. I refused to touch anyone, felt fear around his friends, co workers or whatever the heck they were, and went straight to my room whenever it got crowded. And the most important fact that would make anyone suspicious; I came from foster-homes. No one ever knew what happened to us and most of the time they never would. I was lucky though; no one had ever hurt me or been mean to me, not really.

Watching them eat together, laugh at each other and smile… it was just like watching any other family. I used to do that sometimes, watch over the foster families from the door before I entered the room they were in, I liked seeing how they _really_ were and how they were with _me_. But this family was permanent and I had to remind myself of that when I stood up to grab a muffin.

"Jake, care to share?" I asked a little playfully with a smile on my face. Jacob was holding three muffins in his hands and was in that very moment inhaling one of them. He stopped still in his eating and stared at me for a quick second, surprise written all over his face, before he quickly swallowed what he had in his mouth and handed me a muffin. "Yeah, sure," he smiled. I gave him an approving nod and was about to say something else when I was interrupted. "So Mel, what do you think about La Push so far?" Embry asked and stepped a little closer to me, I wondered if it was a way to see where my boundaries were. He was smiling and seemed absolutely content pretending that I hadn't freaked out. I shrugged, "it's super green, but it rains so I can't hate the place,"

Just as I answered they all moved towards the couch, taking their places. "You like rain?" he asked surprised and his eyebrows shot up. I sat down next to him on the brown couch and took a small bite of my muffin. "Yeah, rain is… rain is just wonderful," I stated, content with my answer and looked at him. In fact, I looked at all of them. They were beautiful, and not to mention hot. If I had been someone else I would have been working my charms on them, but I wasn't someone else and I didn't even know how they were. "Hey, how old are you all?" I asked the boys as a sudden reminder that I didn't know and felt a crease form on my forehead. Jake smirked and stifled a laugh while Seth who was sitting on a chair in the room answered. "I'm fifteen, and Jake Quil and Embry are seventeen." I laughed then, realizing that they were most likely kidding. "Yeah, and I'm the queen of England!"

It didn't take long for me to realize how honest they were. "No, really, they don't use any steroids," I heard from Emily while a comforting spark swam in her eyes. It was a shock to say the least, but they were in fact my age I was even two years older than Seth!

* * *

We talked for maybe an hour and I got to know Emily a little better. She was nice, liked cooking and loved everything with a pulse… which did kind of scare me a little. She seemed so motherly and she was only 21 years old! She had a life to live and she chose to make food for young hot guys. Which brings me to Embry, I got to know him the best of all the guys. From what I learned about him he seemed like a really nice guy. And I was perfectly fine with the day so far, no one had freaked me out more than necessary and nothing special had happened, so when I noticed the fact that two more huge guys walked through the door, I almost had a heart attack. Or I wouldn't say walk… rather stormed into the room like no tomorrow.

"I almost fucking had him, Sam, I swear to God!" I heard a loud, deep voice yell and almost peed my pants in surprise. "Paul, relax there's someone here!" I watched the two guys stormed into the living room, one shaking slightly making his defined chest move and his muscles tighten and the other standing next to him with his hand on his shoulder. I cringed as the guy who must have been Paul scanned the room for me, and gripped the couch when he found me.

"Paul! Calm down or get out!"Sam's loud voice boomed through the room, but Paul had his eyes on me with such intense rage that I had to look away. The feeling of being possessed overwhelmed me and I realized just then that I couldn't look away from his terrifying eyes. They were deep and brown, and I could sense the mere confusing lying behind his anger. "Are you done staring at me yet?" I suddenly asked with a confident voice and I felt my cockiness come back. This was who I was, a confident girl who could make any guy cringe just by opening her mouth and in a way I was happy that it came back when it did. It made him drop out of his trance. The second this guy looked away from me, he stormed out of the house almost breaking the door on his way out.

"What the fuck just happened?"

* * *

Apparently Paul Lahote, the guy that had been staring at me, had anger issues and needed to go out to calm down. Apparently he had forgotten that Sam was bringing his sister home with him and apparently he wasn't such a bad guy. All of which I did not believe, not one bit.

I was yet again sitting in my room, music blasting in my ears, looking at the wall on the opposite side. I was thinking about Paul Lahote. He had been staring at me in a very infuriating way, almost bringing back all the anger I had hoarded through my short seventeen years of life. He had been staring at me as if I was the devil's reincarnation trying to take him with me to eternity. He had been staring at me as if he wanted to see me again and that confused me. Especially since I had him on my mind now… I had never been able to let things like that go, not once in my life had I just pretended like nothing had happened and so this was very annoying for me.

I groaned loudly when I heard the familiar sound of an empty stomach searching for food. It was nearly 8 PM and I was yet again hungry for food. Emily had made dinner, but at the time I hadn't wanted to eat at all. "Why do I never bring snacks…" I muttered to myself and let myself fall down on the bed I was sitting on.

Being in Sam's house was strange, I felt like I had to lie about who I was… I felt like someone else. They didn't know that I usually talked back if someone annoyed me. They didn't know why I had trouble when it came to physical contact with others! Which by the way was not a big deal… I had made myself a promise many years ago not to get attached to anyone, and being close to them was one of the things that I knew made people attached. So I stopped touching them and never felt safe around others, that's why I needed space, that's why I had problems with it. Just the simplest handshake made me feel attacked and unsafe! And it sucked.

"Melanie, we're having a little gathering for supper, would you like to come?" I looked up at Emily's smiling form. She was standing in the doorway motioning for me to come with, pleading with her eyes and I nodded. If I wanted to live here for the next year I would have to make an effort. "Yeah, I would like that," I tried smiling and walked into the living room with her. The second I entered the room I felt eyes following me, but I tried to ignore it. They would have to stop being surprised by my presence.

I noted the fact that Paul and the other guy that had stormed into the house earlier where there too, both watching me with careful eyes. I sent Paul a glare that told him to fuck off as he hadn't even apologized for his childish behavior and sat down nest to Embry on the couch. He didn't seem to mind my presence. "Paul, Jared this is Melanie, Melanie this is Paul and Jared, "Embry said and motioned for each guy. I could feel Paul's stare on me from across the room and lifted my eyes to meet his. "Hi", I said and smirked as surprise contoured his face. Jared gave me a smile and said hi while Paul kept his eyes on mine. They were filling with anger slowly but surely, and I was tempted to look away.

I didn't have to though. After only a couple of seconds Paul stood up and rushed out of the house, just like he did last time.

"Seriously, what the FUCK is his problem!"


	3. Let's explore

**Hi, I'm sorry I'm a little bit late, but hey it's still saturday ;) merry christmas everyone! and please review :)  
disclaimer: I do not own twilight or anything that is related to it **

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3

**Let's explore**

The next couple of days went by quickly, Embry showed me around La Push and got me a job at the local diner, and Sam told me to stay out of the woods. I didn't mind that since I didn't usually go hiking, but it was a little strange that he mentioned it. I hadn't heard of there being any animals in the woods in La Push so I didn't really get what could happen to me in there. but then again, Emily was attacked by a bear once so maybe Sam was very overprotective.

I had only been in La Push for two days and tomorrow was Monday, the first day of school. I was not looking forward to it, not at all actually. As much as I had let my personality out I still hated the thought of having to show it to more people. I was simply sick of being social. I had seriously never been as social as I had been the last couple of days in my whole life, no pun intended. And then it was the fact that I didn't want to be the outcast, Embry and Jake probably wouldn't ditch me completely, but what if they did? What would I do then?

It was all silly things I was worrying about, but I couldn't help but to have all the different thoughts swirling around in my mind when I went to bed that fateful Sunday night, and I couldn't help but to realize that I would have to go through it weather I liked it or not. with all that in mind I closed my eyes and fell asleep, preparing for the next day.

I walked out of my room by the kitchen and yawned loudly. My backpack hung loosely on my shoulder and my hair was set in a high ponytail. I was tired as hell and I knew for certain that this was very obvious. Under eye bags were never a good thing. "Morning," I mumbled when I noticed Emily standing behind the kitchen counter. She was making eggs in an old pan that looked at the verge of breaking. I frowned at this. "Oh, good morning, Melanie," I raised my eyebrows in astonishment at how formal she made the greeting and sat down on one of the chairs by the counter.

Emily put some eggs on a plate and handed it to me, a fork on it. she looked exhausted and tired and I wondered if she had even slept tonight. Her black raven hair hung loosely down her shoulders and her eyes we almost covered by the unruly bangs she sported. I noticed that she was still in her pajamas. "So, are you looking forward to your first day at a new school?" she asked leaning on the counter. Her smile was bright and I almost winced at her happiness. "no, why on earth would I?" I answered bluntly and stared at her in oblivion. Who with the right set of mind looked forward to school, ever? She smiled at my statement and laughed. "I guess you're right, now eat up, Paul will be here any minute now," I almost choked on the food I had pushed into my moth seconds ago when she said that. Of all the people who could have picked me up it had to be Paul. "Why Paul! Why can't Embry drive me to school?" I asked venom seething into my childish words.

Emily sent me a stern look and I sighed. "Because he offered," she said leaving no room for argument. It annoyed me that she was so… grown up! I mean, she was only 21 years old and she acted like a thirty year old woman with children. It felt as if a part of her life had been taken away and it annoyed me that she obviously expected me to act the part. I couldn't, I could just not act as if someone who only had four years on me was a mother figure. "HE hates me, I seriously doubt that he would ever offer to drive me any fucking place," I shot back and stood up from the chair with my plate in hand. Emily stared at me with a shocked expression when I placed the half full plate by the sink. "Thanks for the breakfast," I said and gave her a small smile. It wasn't her I was angry at.

I heard the sound of a car stopping in front of the house and quickly grabbed my backpack before walking out. My lungs filled with sweet air as the door closed behind me and I closed my eyes and leaned on it. The tiredness that had surely taken a liking to me was surrounding my brain and I felt completely fogged up."Hey, you coming or what?" I suddenly heard from the car and sighed loudly. "Give me a second!" I yelled back before walking towards the car.

* * *

I was staring out of the window, watching the rain fall from the sky soaking every inch of the ground. My head was leaning on the cold glass and small shivers went through me. I was cold and the fucking heater didn't work. "You're quiet today," Paul said and I wondered if I should have ignored it or not. I hate to say it, but he looked good! His raven black cropped hair was all relaxed and touchable, and he had on a pair of dark jeans and a black t shirt that showed off his lean posture. Personally I didn't get how he could wear such cold clothes in the middle of December. "And you're not angry," I stated giving him a stubborn look. "Sam talked to me," was his short emotionless answer and I noticed how his hands clenched around the steering wheel. I got the feeling that the talk Sam and Paul had had involved more than just words.

"Don't worry, I'm used to angry people," I murmured and closed my eyes, only for a second as memories overwhelmed me. It might just have been my imagination, but I could almost feel Paul tense next to me in the old pickup truck.

One thing I had noticed about Sam and all his friends was that they all had a temperature higher than normal. It was as if they were constantly running a fever and it creeped me out. I mean yes, when I was driving with Paul in that freezing car it was really tempting to sit closer to him and just consume all the heat he could make, but it wasn't natural and it sure as hell wasn't normal.

Paul walked me all the way to the office and then to the first class I was having and when he left I couldn't help but to recognize the feeling of sadness in my heart. I didn't want to go into that classroom alone, even if the option was walking in there with Lahote. But even though I wanted someone there, walking beside him in the hallways where people could see us was in a way frightening. I got some nasty stares from what I would guess to be jealous girls and I didn't quite know how to react on that.

* * *

The classes went by quickly and all of them were the same: Come in, get the note signed, smile to the class, sit down and get stared at. No one really tried to talk to me and I wondered if it had anything to do with my appearance. When lunch came and I walked into the cafeteria I let a nervous squeak escape my lips. The room was big and it looked renovated, which was not the case with the rest of the school. Round tables were placed on different spots in the room and people were gathered at each table. I tried to find Embry in the crowd, but only managed to find Seth, Paul and Jared by a table. Nether less I walked over to them.

"Mind if I sit?" I asked and sat down before either of them got to answer. "How has your first day been so far?" Paul asked with an amused smile on his lips and I felt myself smile as well. "No one talks to me, and the classes are boring," a frown replaced his smiling figure and I noticed that his eyes were suddenly examining me carefully. Chills ran down my back and I quickly looked away. "So since I'm new in Sam's life, what can I expect from him?" I asked, changing the subject. Seth held a knowing look on his face, but nothing was said. Even Jared was quiet. He seemed deep in thought when he suddenly answered a question I had never asked. "Kim, my girlfriend, is sick today but I'm sure she'll hang out with you," I felt like such a charity case and was very tempted to say something rude back, but decided against it. "cool,"

I tried to hold up interesting conversations with them, but the awkward tense feeling I'd had since the second I stepped into the cafeteria was still there. I couldn't help but to feel like they were somehow wishing me gone and with Paul's stare at me the whole lunch I didn't want anything else than to just go to Sam's and ignore the world.

When I walked to my next class, which Paul again followed me too I felt a pang of excitement rush through my body. My eyes scanned the note in my hand quickly and a bright smile formed itself on my face. "You like history?" I heard Paul ask and nodded my head. The tense angry feeing I had been getting from him since the second we met was still there but at least he was trying. He was leaning slightly over my shoulder and I could feel his face close to mine. My eyes turned to watch his face and I felt myself blush when I realized that he was already looking at me. We had stopped walking, but I couldn't look away. That feeling I had had when I met him for the first time, that feeling that made me want to look away but that didn't allow it at the same time was there. Etched into my very being.

His eyes were a deep brown, almost black color and I felt myself soften beneath his stare. He wasn't angry or tense anymore, he seemed just completely content with what was happening. I traced the line of his lips, they looked soft and kissable. That's when I realized what I was doing… how wrong it was. I barely knew him and I sure as hell didn't like him. A shared moment of stares wasn't going to change that! I closed my eyes and stepped away from him, breaking the trance we had been in."Just… just show me where my classroom is," I said my voice barely above a whisper and I watched as he swallowed hard with closed eyes. He was angry again, and he was trembling so I just kept on going and waited for Paul Lahote to take me to class.

* * *

The first thing I noticed when I walked through the door to the house was the smell. Again the wet dog thing slapped me in the face and I frowned. They didn't even have a fucking dog! "Hello?" I yelled out, wanting to know if anyone was there but didn't get an answer. I sighed and let my backpack fall to the floor. I was about to go to the kitchen when I heard a sound from the garden, it was almost as if… Sam hadn't said anything about there being any animals in the woods. Quickly, I walked into my room where there was a window that would allow me to see anything in the garden. Adrenalin rushed through my body when I sat down and readied myself to see what was there. My eyes scanned the woods behind the small garden and caught the sight of two big brown eyes. They were staring at me, penetrating me, I felt as if they were undressing me trying to see what was inside of me. My breath hitched in my throat and I yelped. The animal I was staring at was the biggest wolf I had ever seen in my life. The head was sticking out of the bushes and it was about to run away, but my sight was good, very good and I saw it. The body as it turned around, the silver and grey color of the fur… the deep dark brown eyes that could have resembled black. I was completely stiff in my posture and my eyes were wide as marbles. When the wolf disappeared into the dark woods I finally managed to breath. "Holy fucking shit!" I hissed and placed my hand upon my heart. "That is _not_ normal!" I was shaking and fear was growing in every single cell in my body.

After sitting on my bed hyperventilating for a couple of minutes I heard the front door open and close. Hard footsteps followed through the living room and I hoped that it was Sam and not some of the other guys. "How long are you going to fight this!?" I heard Sam's loud voice hiss through the room and I had to clasp my hand in front of my mouth not to make a sound. "As long as I can! I don't fucking want this shit!" Paul's angry voice growled silently and I realized that the fight they were having wasn't new. "She is a living person, a person you are already losing with, and she is my god damn sister!" Sam hissed even louder than before. He was furious. I couldn't understand what it was they were fighting about, especially why my name was mentioned. "You saw how she reacted today! Believe me, she's not winning", Paul muttered still that angry tinge of hate in his voice. What on earth were they talking about? Winning? What was I winning? And why were they trying to be silent? I lowered my hand from my heart. "She is, and when you realize that it will be too late, try to keep smart about this, you _know_ how it works", Sam said calmly and sighed. The next thing I knew the sound of people coming through the room filled my ears and I knew that their fight was over.

"Shit…" I whispered to myself and sat down in my bed. People always thought I didn't hear them, that all the mean things they whispered to each other got by unnoticed. But that was a lie, since I had been born the doctor had always said that my senses where the sharpest he had ever seen, that I was way above normal. So I heard, I always heard… and I always saw. I wondered if it was smart to tell Sam about that wolf, if he would do something about it. if he would kill it. I didn't want that, wolves were one of my favorite animals and even if that wolf was unnatural I somehow just didn't want it dead. I felt almost… attached to the creature.

* * *

I sat down next to Embry again by dinner and tried giving him a meaningful look. I felt so sad and crushed right there and then, I needed, for the first time in months, a good big comforting hug. Never before had I been through so many confusing things at once and that encounter only reminded me more of the dream that had haunted me for a little over a week now. "Embry?" I whispered while he stuffing his face with food. I knew the others most likely heard me. "Yeah?" he asked and smiled. "Why did you take my hand when we met?" he sniggered and stopped eating. "That's easy… I thought you were pulling a joke," he said and kept eating. After a couple of seconds I heard my own laugh boom through the room. I hadn't laughed since I came here and every single head in the room turned to me.

The thing about my laugh is that it is absolutely crazy, it's like hearing a pig slash bird being dragged down the rode mixed with someone's cry. If it hadn't been for the smile on my face people would have wondered of something was seriously wrong. however, even though me laughing gave them quite a shock they were all laughing with me after a second or two. Everyone except Paul Lahote.

When I found his eyes they were filled with nothing but pure_ awe. _

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_thanks for reading! -Emma  
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	4. I am losing myself

**Please review to this story :) I need to know your thoughts and what you might want to happen or of there is anything I should change. Sorry about the slightly late update!  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or anything related to it.  
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**4**

**I am lost**

When I was ten I overheard a conversation between my soon to be foster parents and the workers in the "adoption" center. They were going through the check list that was of course for my benefit and I was sitting in the room next to them. I wouldn't have heard a thing if it hadn't been for the door. It wasn't properly closed and with my hearing everything they said went through. I was young, wearing a cute blue dress. The woman who came to see me had braided my hair and she told me that my new foster parents had come to pick me up so that she didn't have to drive me. It surprised me how I had become a file and a job for one of the women there. Her name was Anna Kingsley and she took me everywhere I had to be, she made sure I had somewhere to live and I was her responsibility until I turned eighteen. That day she would not have to take care of me at all anymore, but as I said I was only her work. And today her work was to ship me off to new foster parents just like she had done before.

"Oh and Mrs. Kingsley, just one more question," I heard the sweet voice of a woman who I had been told was Victoria Main, a married woman with no children. "Yes?" Anna's darker voice said and I sighed loudly. Honestly I just wanted Anna to hurry so that I could go already. "What happened to her parents?" My heart was beating fast, so fast that I thought it was going to break through my ribs. They had never told me what happened, I wasn't allowed to know, I was too young. My breathing fastened and I clenched my hands together to prevent any reaction. Anna took a deep breath on the other side of the door and I could almost imagine her close her eyes in distress like she had done so many times before. "When Melanie was one year old both her parents and she were driving in a small car, it was hit by a truck and the car was shredded to pieces. Her parents died instantly and the police thought everyone was dead until they found Melanie behind some parts of the car crying loudly. She has some saving angel," I heard the loud gasp from Victoria and covered my face with my hands. They died in a car accident and I survived? How was that even possible? "Where was this? Something like that would surely have been on the news!" I was trembling, shock driving through my veins. "La Push."

I watched him, wondering if he was bipolar or if he had two personalities. His parents must have dropped him on the ground one too many times when he was a baby. "What was _that_? I've never heard anyone laugh like that in my whole entire life!" Seth said, still laughing at my cost. I sent him a questioning look and shook my head. My eyes were still looking at Paul, only I wasn't really looking at him. I was rather watching him from the corner of my eye. Somehow he had the ability to be on my mind and have my attention even when I didn't want it. Because I didn't like him, I really didn't.

I wasn't laughing anymore, the mood was gone and I felt like I had before. Scared. It reminded me so much of that vampire dream that I didn't know what to think of it. As if there was some connection between that wolf and the dream. "Melanie, if you want something to eat you better get some now, before the boys eat it all," I heard Emily say somewhere in the room, I had been staring into clean air as thoughts had invaded my mind. "Yeah, sure;" I said, snapping out of my trance and smiled.

Throughout the last couple of days that I had stayed with Sam and Emily I had noticed that every time Sam's friends came to the house there was always missing someone, at least two people. Today though I didn't see anyone missing but Sam. I sat down on the kitchen chair next to Emily, she was eating quietly and I gave her a soft smile hoping that she wasn't angry about the way I had acted before. It wasn't that I cared all the much, but I wanted them to like me, they _had_ to like me. This was their golden opportunity to kick me out or to exclude me from their little family and that scared the shit out of me. Nothing had ever been at stake, every foster family had been just another place before the next one, but these people, _Sam,_ was blood.

"Hey, Emily is there some of your friends that I haven't met yet?" I asked curiously and glanced over at Emily. She gave me a skeptical look probably wondering why I was asking. "You know since there's always missing two or three people when your friends come from dinner and today it's only Sam who's not here," I tried to explain but I think I sounded like some crazy person who was observing their every single move. Buggers.

Emily offered a smile. "Leah Clearwater's out working with Sam, she just got back from a small vacation, that's why you haven't seen her yet," she said and I noted the way her eyes turned to two big pools of pity when she said Leah's name. Guilt covered her face, just for a second as she probably thought of something between them and I understood enough not to ask. I finished my plate of food and glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. In fifteen minutes I had to be in the diner taking orders and giving out food. "Thanks for the food Em, I'm going to get going now, work," Emily stood up quickly and I knew what she was at. "No problem, I'll get one of the guys to drive you," She was about to walk out of the kitchen, but I stopped her, wanting badly to be alone tonight. "Emily no, I prefer walking and it isn't far away at all," I tried sounding convincing but I saw something flicker in her eyes. "It's dark I don't think that's such a good idea." Either she was very overprotective or she knew something was out there. I stared at her for a couple of seconds refusing to lose on this. "It's a ten minute walk, with a trail. I'll manage just fine," I answered, with a voice that clearly stated that there would be no other option and that I would, in fact, walk to that diner alone.

I had to think, I had to make decisions and make up stories that would somehow explain all the strange happenings I had been through. And I had to do it now. Emily, who most likely wanted to be on my good side, had agreed on letting me go alone to the diner and this was my only possibility in the nearest future to be alone. At least as alone as I could be… my eyes searched the woods next to the trail while I walked, and I felt afraid. Something was in there, something was watching me and I couldn't do shit about it. Shivers went through my spine and a sudden coldness invaded me.

I wondered why Paul was acting so strange around me, it had only been three days since I came here and in that time he had been angry, nice, and just plain rude. And the fact that I was constantly thinking of him didn't help, even if it wasn't anything positive going through my mind. Emily was right when she said it was dark outside and I was starting to regret going out on my own, what if that wolf came out or if a bear slashed my face, no one would be able to save me! I was halfway to the diner and just… yeah. I was being stupid. Wolfs keep inside the woods and so do bears.

Five minutes left.

"Melanie! Wait up!" My head whipped around quickly and my eyes widened. That voice… I felt myself fill with anger. "Paul, what the hell are you doing here?" I yelled as I watched him jog towards me. He was wearing nothing but cut offs and I couldn't help but to stare at his well defined chest. A grin was plastered on his face. "Like what you see?" he asked with a cocky tinge to his raspy voice when he reached me. I gave him a glare and kept walking towards the diner, he was not getting to me."Hey, wait up," I being the stubborn girl I was, kept walking and ignored him even when he reached me. "Stop being a bitch, I'm doing you a fucking favor," I heard from him and realized how close he was to me. My fists clenched and I felt like hitting something. That fucking asshole, if I had ever liked him even the tiniest bit it disappeared right there and then. "What is your problem?" I demanded and gave him the most disgusted look I could mister. "I never _asked_ you to come, actually I did my best to make sure Emily would let me go _alone._" Paul's face turned into a smirk, but I saw how his body tensed at my words. "You were fucking shitting yourself in fear," he said, a dry laugh following. I stared at him and wondered if he had been watching me and if so how long? And how on earth had he known that I was scared? That wasn't possible to see and only animals _felt_ fear. My eyes didn't leave his form as I thought about his rudeness. "So what? Are you stalking me now?" I asked and threw my hands up in the air. I was so sick of him, three days and he was still an ass. He took a step closer to me, lifting up his trembling hand. "I would never find you important enough to stalk,"

He wasn't joking anymore, he was being serious and I didn't like it. I stared at him, stared at his eyes. My lips didn't say any words and my body stood still. Somehow he had hurt me and I could feel it in my whole body, I could feel it in my _heart_. I had to get away. "Then leave me alone," Paul had a startled look on his face, not from what I had said I don't even know if he heard me, but from what _he_ had said. And he had been staring at me with an intense apologizing gaze. He had crossed a line, hit a sore spot, found out where I was weak. And even though my words sounded dry and crippled I pretended that they were strong and I walked away from him.

When I reached the diner I was glad to find out that I wasn't late. Sue Clearwater was running it and she had been very nice to me, she struck me as the perfect housemother and it made me smile. I served people food and made sure everything was running smoothly. I had worked as a waitress many times before so this wasn't new to me at all, I was good at what I was doing and I knew it very well. "Melanie, I think we should change your working hours, you can't work so late when you have school!" I heard Sue say while I was washing the last table. The clock was almost midnight and I would have to call Sam to pick me up or walk home, I wasn't sure what was more tempting. Sue was a small woman with long dark hair and a beautiful smile. She lit up the room and she had a way of seeming happy all the time, not once had she yelled at me today even though I made plenty of mistakes.

"Nah, that's fine it gives me the time to do homework before work and not after," I said dismissively and got my things from behind the counter. Sue looked at me with a careful eye, probably trying to see if I was lying. "Sweetheart, who is driving you home?" she asked and let a sigh escape her lips. "Sam is picking me up, don't worry," I lied and gave myself an approving mental note about how good I had become at lying. "See you tomorrow," I waved as I walked out of the diner and quickly followed the trail I had come. Being stupid wasn't new with me, but I wanted to take care of myself and I didn't want to be anyone's problem.

The rain was falling harshly down around me and I was starting to get really cold. My jacket was helpful though as it covered most of my upper body, I couldn't say the same for my new jeans. "Shit," I murmured and closed my eyes. As soon as I was out of sight from the restaurant I took a deep breath with air and stopped. My feet were pressed hard down in the gravel and I clenched down so that I was almost sitting. The harsh wind was slapping me in the face but I just hid my head in my hands. Sam had barely tried to get to know me, he was never there and Emily didn't like me. I wondered what their plan was, why they were so indifferent.

"Melanie, I'm driving you home," My head snapped up in surprise when I heard a car come towards me and was even more surprise when Embry came out of it. He had a deep frown on his face which upset me. "Come on, I don't want you to get sick," he spoke again, this time with a happier voice. The car he was driving was old, and it probably needed some work done. I stood up from my cramped position and quickly got into the car. It smelled of wet dog and trees. "Hey, don't hesitate to call when your shift is over, someone will always be able to pick you up," Embry was smiling and he started to drive the two minute drive to Sam's house. "But I don't have problems walking home… I like it", I pressed letting my stubborn self intervene. "We like you and don't want you to get killed, okay? Call next time," Embry was even more stubborn than me and I knew that I wasn't winning with it.

"I heard you and Paul got into a fight today, are you okay?" Embry asked and sent me a look. He was really one of the most gorgeous guys I had ever met and I felt as if everyone there was like that. I was ugly in comparison with the people living in this town. "Yeah, I'm fine," I hoped that he didn't pick up the hesitation in my voice. "I'm not easy to break, Embry, I've been in foster care my whole life." it was a statement and I wanted him to take it in and to remember it. I wasn't a porcelain doll, I was a strong independent girl. He stared at me for what must have been a few seconds, but it felt like minutes. His face held this blank contemplating expression and I felt the annoyance build as I didn't know what he was thinking. It wasn't before he looked away that I realized the car had stopped moving and that we were sitting outside Sam's house.

"Even the strong ones need someone to lean on sometimes," he stopped talking for a second and it seemed like he was trying to get the words right, as if saying them wrong would ruin something. "Sam is the strongest person I've ever met, he's been through a lot, but he has Emily and he has us," Embry was staring at me by now and nodded my head three times to show him that I was listening. "And sometimes you're being the strongest when you let someone help you," he finished talking and I knew he expected me to say something, something personal. At least at some level, but Embry didn't know me. He didn't know that I never talked to people about my fears and weaknesses; he didn't know that I had gotten the same talk plenty of times before. It all had the same reason, the same reason as to why I never let anyone hug me. Getting close to people was the same as asking for hurt.

"Okay," I said and opened the car door. I gave him a small smile before I stepped out of the car and walked into the house I was going to live in for the next couple of months. At least I had that reassurance that they couldn't kick me out before I turned eighteen. The wind was teasing me and again I felt the familiar feeling of water on my skin. Even after three days I wasn't used to it.

And as I opened the front door to Sam's house I just couldn't help to wonder when I would be.

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**Merry christmas and A Happy new year! thanks for reading :):)**

**-Emma**


	5. One time to many

**Thank you so much for reading. Please review!  
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**I'm sorry I'm posting this a day late, but it was my mom's birthday yesterday so yeah... anyways enjoys!  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own The twilight Saga  
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**Chapter 5 **

**One time to many**

A few weeks passed and things were just the same. Almost. Sam and Emily had yet to try to get to know me, but my relationship with Embry and Jake had gotten much better. the Christmas Holiday had just started and a thick blanket of white snow had covered the ground and the weather was colder than I was used to. As the snowflakes fell from the clouds I couldn't help but to wonder how it was in New York now. Everyone had just assumed that it didn't bother me anymore, that I was completely fine with moving because I was so used to it. Not once had they thought of asking if I liked it in La Push or if I had anyone I wanted to send postcards to this Christmas. This time of the year scared me a little too. It was a time people did crazy things, a time I was supposed to use to buy gifts to friends and family… now, the only friends I had from my life before La Push were Darren and Evan Cole. The eighteen year old sons of dear Miss Miller who was the last foster mother I'd had before moving here. They had been the best Family yet, I'd spent a little over a year there in their big house with the huge garden.

Miss Miller was a successful surgeon and she made heaps of money. I remembered how I couldn't quite get why she had wanted a foster child as she wouldn't have needed the money at all, but after a while I had some theories. Either she wanted to look good in the press, get some attention and then find more patients, or she was just a genuinely good person who wanted to help people… and as the last option had seemed absolutely absurd and stupid at the time I had come to realize that that was exactly what her reasons for taking me in were.

So when I found myself writing a Christmas letter to the family I wasn't surprised at all. Walking out of my bedroom I noticed both Sam and Emily sitting on their couch discussing something. I didn't get the opportunity to hear what it was as Sam stopped talking before I had even gotten to concentrate on them. "Hey," I said and sat down on the chair on the opposite side of the couch. Emily gave me a warm smile, but Sam sent me a nervous look which made me a little annoyed to be honest. "Hi, what's up?" he asked and I knew that he wanted to end the discussion they'd had. I put the letter I had written on the table in front of me, sending it over to Sam and Emily so that they could see it. the address was written neatly in green pen on the white envelope I'd bought in the supermarket. I had a whole stack of them in my room now.

Sam picked up the letter and looked it over. "What's this?" he asked after a couple of seconds with that confused look he'd had when we first met again. "It's a letter that I wrote to the last family I stayed with and I wondered if one of you could send it for me?" I said with a hopeful tinge to my voice. I could easily have sent the letter myself, it wasn't a problem at all, but I wanted them to see it as a sign of trust. Sam stared at me, his eyes were boring into mine and it seemed as if he was thinking about something. Then he completely surprised me with what he had to say. "Yeah, sure. I'm going to the store in a couple of minutes," he paused for a second his face turning soft. "You can come with if you want," I nodded my head quickly and pointed to my bedroom door with a smile on my face. "Yeah… I'll just… get my things," I was very uncertain at how to act and the happiness that came over me confused me. It was just Sam for god's sake.

"So… what does a 21 year old woman want for Christmas when she says all she wants is love?" Sam asked me curiously scratching the back of his head. I laughed out loud at the funny sight in front of me. Sam didn't know what to buy for Emily, he was such a guy! I stood still next to him watching his fearful eyes as he scanned the store in front of him. "Either your sex life is awful and she wants you to spice it up a bit" Sam made a chocking sound interrupting my talk of advice. His eyes were big and bright and I had to stifle a laugh. "Or" I continued dragging out the o. "She wants something from the heart, In which case we shouldn't be standing outside a women's lingerie boutique."

We had barely made it to the store before the awkwardness came to greet us. Walking around in circles had been sufficient for a few minutes but when we realized that it was in fact, not going to work for much longer, Sam spoke up. We were of course in the closest mall we could find which seemed to be in Port Angeles. The mall itself wasn't a lot to brag about… it was small and old and had absolutely nothing on the ones in New York. Not to mention the fact that it looked like a parking house! But it was what we had to work with. ¨

Sam stared at me, still a little shaken by my comment about sex with an oblivious look on his face. "But what would that be?" he asked and I shook my head at his stupidity before slinging my arms up in annoyance. "Well I don't know! Emily likes to cook right?" he nodded. "Well then get all her recipes bound into a nice book and write her a letter." I said as if it was the most obvious and simple task in the world. "How can you be so good at this?" He asked me with a curious smile on his dark face and I offered a small smile. "I don't know… women's intuition?" I suggested and shrugged. It was dumb of me to lie, but I felt as if telling the truth would put both of us in ana awkward situation and I didn't want that.

The real reason to why I was so good with this was all the different foster parents I had lived with. After observing someone for such a long time you learn a lot about them, and you see what they would want for Christmas or for birthdays. It was built into my system, to observe, listen, see. That's what I was good at.

After the short shopping trip were we had both gotten presents, we posted my letter and went to eat at a diner in port Angeles. I was tired and annoyed as being with Sam was exhausting. It meant that I had to go against my dislike for the Uley's and do my best. I knew I didn't really dislike them all that much, I was just disappointed in how indifferent they had been towards me. "So, how do you like it here?" Sam asked and pushed a fry in his mouth. There would never be healthy about junk food, but god it was so delicious. "It's fine," I answered and took another bite of my stake. Sam's eyes moved to my face and came to a stop when they found my eyes. He stopped eating only for a second and I noticed how his lips tightened only slightly. "What would make it better?" he kept asking and I wondered if this was the outcome of a guilty mind. "I don't know… social interaction with my own blood would have been nice," honesty was a quality I put high and wanted to have, and I regretted how I had pushed it away since I came here.

Sam sighed as if expecting this to happen and I kept my eyes on him. he looked down awkwardly before trying to be the adult he was supposed to be. "I know I haven't spent time with you, I know that, but we've been having an awful lot of work to do the last couple of months," it wasn't an excuse, or at least I didn't think it was. Embry, Jake, even Paul had been in the house and made an effort to say at least a sentence to me every day. Sam always had the same opportunity, only he decided to go to bed or have heated conversations with Emily. Most of them about me.

My eyes revealed every single one of my thoughts and I didn't bother to answer him. I was angry, but did my best to hide the frustration. "For all it's worth I'm sorry and I'm going to be better, you are my sister after all," I nodded my head in agreement. "Half sister," I corrected under my breath, so lowly that there was no way he could have heard it, yet his eyes shot up in surprise. Was he born with the same defect as I?

The waitress came to take our food and I ordered a chocolate suflee, as I absolutely adore chocolate. "So I've been hearing some things about you and Paul, is he bothering you"? Sam asked and sent me a knowing look. I shrugged it off and took a sip of my cold water. "He's being a dick alright and I haven't even done anything," my voice was accusing and annoyed. Paul had a way of getting on my nerves and I just didn't want him close to me. or in my mind where he was currently being way too much.

The small water droplets on the windows before us were falling down fast and the sound if thunder rumbled above us. A shiver went through my body and I watched as Sam tensed before me. "He doesn't really mean to, I'm actually very sure that he'll come around sooner or later," the second the words left his lips I knew he was hiding something. A secret, something he knew that I wasn't allowed to know. At least not yet. If he noticed the way I changed he didn't say anything and I was thankful. "By the time he decides to _come around_ I won't want to have anything to do with him," I said coldly and raised my eyebrow in annoyance. "He hasn't been anything but rude to me and I'm sick of trying to read him," the aggravation I had been feeling was coming out and it made me angry that so much of it was about Paul. He wasn't the center of my god damn universe!

Sam's dark hair fell slightly into his eyes and I a smile crossed his lips. "He might pretend to hate your guts, but he's watching over you… believe me," he said with a small laugh evident in his voice. He was thinking about something, the same thing I didn't know? But the way he said it… a thought formed in my mind and the memory of the grey wolf reentered my mind. I had to ask, because that wolf had showed up around me more than what was normal and If I was going to be his pray I had a big fucking problem. "Are there any dangerous animals out in the woods?" I asked and stared at Sam. I needed to see his every reaction. The way shock formed in his eyes, only for a second told me that he knew. "There are some bears, but otherwise… no," he was nervous, small drops of sweat formed on his forehead and he clasped his hands together.

"Oh so there aren't any horse sized wolfs walking around?" I asked again, with a knowing look in my eyes. He should have answered me honestly the first time. Fear built in his eyes and I could hear his feet shuffle under the table. My stare didn't leave his face, even for a second. I was afraid and he needed to take that fear away, I needed to know that I wasn't going to die because of animal attack. "Melanie, how do you know about this?" he asked strictly worry filling his whole being. I gave him a small smile and sighed. "a wolf has been staring at me from the garden every single day since my first day at school," I whispered and cleared my throat. "It's huge and grey and faster than anything I've ever seen," I kept going feeling the words fall willingly out of my mouth. "And I'm afraid that it's hunting me," I finished and looked up from my hands to see how Sam was taking it.

"How have you even been able to see it?" Sam asked with a confused look on his face. "They're really good at hiding," he continued and I looked down at my hands again. "I've been looking at the wolf from my window since it first came, I don't think it knows that I can see it… it's always hidden behind bushed and trees." It didn't answer his question, so I took another breath of air before continuing my talk of truth. "My senses have always been much better than anyone else's. The doctors could never explain it, but apparently I have senses much better than what I'm supposed to have… that's how I can see it," I finished my speech and Sam sent me a very worried look. It wasn't me he was worried about though, it was something else and so much was obvious.

"the wolfs are protective of the people who live here, don't ask me why, and there aren't a lot of people who knows they even exist. So you have to keep this a secret." He said and I was about to tell him how stupid that was when the waitress came with our desserts. We thanked her and I watched her back as she disappeared into the doors by the kitchen. "What exactly am I keeping a secret?" I asked as relief filled me up. I wasn't in danger. My hands gripped the spoon in front of me and I covered it with chocolate suflee. "That there are wolfs in La Push and that we know about them," he was strict and there was no room for any kind of discussion. I nodded my head and we kept eating our dessert.

The second we got home Sam went out to work, suddenly in a hurry. Embry was sitting in the couch eating something Emily had made and I sat down next to him. it surprised me that he was alone. "Hey Embry, what's up?" I asked making myself comfortable on the soft brown couch. Emily wasn't anywhere to be seen and I suspected her to either be with Sue Clearwater, someone I had learned was Seth's mom, or she was sitting somewhere wrapping presents. "Nothing much, I'm waiting for Leah.. she was supposed to come down here before work," he didn't have to say much more before the door once again opened and a women walked in. she was tall and had a fit body, just like the guys. Her skin was a light cobber tone and her black hair barely reached her shoulders. She had dark brown eyes and her lips were pushed into a thin line. Anger was seething through her and I knew that she was someone you shouldn' mess with. "Hi," I greeted from where I sat and gave a nod in her direction. Her head whipped to my direction and she gave me a questioning look. "So you're Melanie?" she asked and moved to sit down on the chair by the other side of the table. Her eyes were looking at me skeptically and the glare she sent me was obvious. I noticed how Embry stiffened slightly next to me. "Yes, I'm her. You must be Leah Clearwater?" I asked and sent her the same questioning look. She shrugged and looked to her left. I noticed the sound of things shuffling around and I immediately knew that Emily was in there. Leah was someone you had to be hard with, just like some of the girls in the adoption centers. It was as if the harsher you were with them, the more respect you earned.

Emily still had a way of annoying me, but I tried to ignore it, looking away from the door and back to Leah who was smirking at me. "Don't like her?" she asked and I almost gasped in surprise. How on earth could she have even noticed? I sent daggers her way and shrugged. "Better than I like you," I muttered and ignored the scoff from her direction. She was negative, that much I gathered and rude. Why didn't she and Paul just get together and leave me alone. Just as the thought formed in my mind I felt a peck of pain stab my heart. What on earth?

"Leah, we should go, our shift starts soon," Embry said and I saw how his angry eyes were sticking to Leah. "Bye, Mel, see you soon," and before I knew it both Leah and Embry were gone and I was sitting silently on the couch alone, yet again.

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Emma


	6. Confessions

**Hey! Sorry for the late update. I have to start updating on sunday since I have so much to do with school lately. I hope you enjoy this chapter and please give me feedback. I'm up to questions if there are any!  
**

**disclaimer: I do not own twilight or anything related to it  
**

**please review!  
**

**-Emma  
**

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**Chapter 6**

**Confessions **

I was standing next to Emily, a tight smile fitted across my face and my hands buried deep into the dough. My arms were starting to get tired as I had been kneaded the dough for a while. It was hard and cold because it had been in the refrigerator throughout the night. "Melanie, not like that" Emily said and sent me a stern look. She had been nice to me about everything else, but when it came to food… boy was she stern. "Oh," I sent her a questioning look and she sighed taking the dough from me. "Maybe you shouldn't be doing this… there are a lot of other things that has to be done before tonight," she looked at me with guilty eyes and I understood. "There must be something else you can do," she finished what I knew she had been thinking since the second I walked into the kitchen demanding to help her with something. "Sure, I'll go see if Sam needs help with something…" I murmured and quickly left the stressed out woman behind.

Emily had been trying to be more open towards me, that was obvious to anyone who tried to see, but there was just something wrong with our relationship. As if I had done something to her and I just didn't get what that could be. She and Sam must have agreed on me moving here so that can't have been it and I hadn't really insulted her more than anyone else…"Mel, what are you doing here? I thought you were baking with Emily," Jake's rough voice spoke the second I walked into the living room. All the guys, including Paul, were sitting sprawled across the chairs and couches and even the floor, wherever they could fit. "She couldn't take my baking and kicked me out," I said and smirked evilly at Jake, making him think that that had been my plan all along.

In reality I was a good cook and I made some of the best foods ever, but Emily would never let me do anything and of course she hadn't thought of asking me if I actually had any experience with food at all. She probably thought I didn't know anything at all since I was a foster child. That annoyed me. "You can't cook?" I heard Paul's raspy voice say in my direction and my head whipped towards him. He looked exhausted today with the big bags under his eyes and his sleepy expression. I shot him a dark look before answering as he had been so mean to me. "I can cook, learned a lot in foster care," I hoped he felt bad for asking, I hoped he regretted it. he didn't. "Well, if you're so good in the kitchen then why did Emily kick you out?" he shot back a smirk balancing on his soft lips. I felt a strange pricking feeling in my stomach and had to look away at his insulting eyes. "Why do you think, Asshole!" anger was seething through every single pore in my body and a quick electric jolt went through my heart. Fighting with Paul was something I had become accustomed to, even though I couldn't stand his face it gave me something fun to do. "Because you're fucking lazy and don't want to help, even after everything Sam and Emily has done for you!" he suddenly exploded into a hot wildfire and I had to take a step back. My mouth fell open in surprise and I saw the guys tense around me. "Paul… you need to get out," Jake muttered dangerously and I shut my mouth.

I didn't have anything to say actually, I just hadn't expecting him to blow up like that. And him doing it must have meant that he had been thinking a lot about it. Was that how I came forward? As a cruel self centered girl who didn't give a fuck about Sam and Emily? I didn't want that, not at all! If that was how people saw me … no wonder Emily was so cold. I wasn't looking at Paul anymore, my eyes were staring blankly on the wall thinking and contemplating about what he had said. How could he think that?

"I'm sorry," a soft sound went through the room, but I barely heard a word and ignored it. I felt my nose cringe slowly and I wanted to sit down. "Hey, I'm sorry," two warm hands covered my smaller shoulders and a heavy glaze of calm came over me. the voice was barely above a whisper, but it touched my ears with the force of a hundred men. The warm hands were comfortable and big, they fit perfectly around my shoulders and I was about to lean into them in my trance, when I realized what was in fact happening. "Gaah," I gasped loudly and tore myself away from the strangers arms. Whirling around in confused circles I found that the whole room had gone completely quiet and that Paul Was standing behind me. "What on earth are you doing?" I shrieked and left a shocked expression on his face. "That's not okay!" I yelled and did my best not to have a break down right there and then. The memory of the Vampire dream was etched into my brain and it all flooded back. The cold hands covering my shoulders, the sudden calm that had overwhelmed me. how I suddenly realized what had been happening.

I know it sounds pathetic and really childish. Having a break down because someone holds you? That wasn't exactly normal. But neither was I and when the full force of what was happening struck me I got so scared. "Not okay…" I whispered and with that ran for the door leaving everyone inside as shocked as I had felt the first time I had my nightmare.

The nightmare had kept going, every night now and I felt my sleep deprived self go down with it. I just couldn't handle it anymore. First the nightmare, then the new "family," and then a god damn wolf! I didn't care what Sam said, that fucking shit wasn't normal. I mean yes, it wasn't there as much as before, but I could see it. my sigh was slowly getting better and so was my hearing. And that scared the living shit out of me. I had been here for what? Almost four weeks? And suddenly my senses have improved?

I sighed loudly while my feet hit the soft ground of La Push beach. Having calmed enough down to think clearly I sat down on the wet sand and let my head fall into my open palms. A light drizzle fell from the sky making my dark hair frizzy and my skin moist. "Why am I here?" I whispered to myself annoyed at how I had so easily pretended for things to be okay. I missed being free, I missed alcohol, I missed boys, I missed being alone. And I needed at least a part of it back, just some part of my old life. so I got up again and was determined to come back with at least something.

I didn't have to look long before I found a grocery store and I didn't need a lot of time to find the alcohol either. Paying for it had been easy, my fake id was made by professionals. Darren paid for it and gave it to me for my 17th birthday, he was a champ. After that, alcohol had never been hard to find. I just needed to make it all go away, you know? Just for while. Then I would be up for it again, then I would handle it all the mature way.

The clear liquid was running down my throat, burning it harshly. Unwanted tears formed in my eyes not because I was sad, but because of the smell. And even though it hurt like shit I welcomed it back and embraced the drouzy feeling it brought with it. the droplets falling from the sky were bigger than before and I could feel my clothes get soaked in the cold water. I didn't care as I took the cold glass bottle up to my lips again and took a big mouthful of the painful liquid. I didn't even wince anymore. Remembering this tomorrow was out of the question, I knew I had been drinking more than I should have and it didn't even matter, it was Christmas Eve. And there I was, on Christmas Eve alone yet again without the family I somewhere deep down craved to have.

I didn't notice it when the bottle emptied, nor when a dark figure came towards me. My eyes had problems concentrating and I wondered how long I had been out there. An hour? Three? "What are you doing!" a scared voice shouted and suddenly warmness surrounded me. My hands clenched at the touch, but I couldn't quite remember why anymore. These were the comfortable hands, not the ones I couldn't stand. I think it stopped to rain, I don't really remember, but it wasn't wet anymore. My eyes searched out the person who had his arms around me and smiled when I realized that it was Paul. He was frantically trying to warm me up, not realizing that even though my body was cold, I was not. "Paul..." I whispered quietly, but I knew he would hear. His dark face sent me a concerned look but it was okay. "I'm fine, I really am," he shook his head and closed his eyes in the process.

"God damn it, this is all my fault," he muttered frantically to himself and sighed loudly. I almost laughed at his scared expression. Self blaming as it was. "I care, you know? About my family," I whispered again, ignoring his words. "And we are fighting all the time…" he seemed so crushed by the fact, and all the anger evaporated from his face. "I'm sorry," he tried to say it, and he tried to mean it. My head fell down on his warm shoulder and I cuddled against it. "Don't be, it's exciting to fight with someone," I don't know why I said it. Stupid as it was. "It's really hard for me, being here," I whispered and felt tears fall from my eyes and into his chest. "And I really don't want it to be… I miss Miss Miller and her sons, and I wish Mr. Cole hadn't left her so many years ago," I took a new breath of air, "I miss Anna and the times when I didn't have to try so much," tears were falling down like bullets and I felt sobs leave my lips. This was not good, but it was welcomed. I hadn't cried for years and I needed it to leave. The pain and hurt. "And I don't like red eyed vampires and I don't like huge wolves, and I don't like being different!" Paul stiffened behind me. His arms forming a cage around me instead of a comforting pillow of fluff.

"It will all be okay, Melanie, I promise, I'm going to help you," he whispered into my ear and calmed down again. I didn't want his help, I didn't want anything! I just needed to … let it all out. One time it had to happen, if he was here or not. He pressed his soft lips into my hair and I tried to get closer into his embrace. I hadn't hugged anyone for so long and I needed it so bad. Scared as I was with him it was different. The fearful feeling starting in the bottom of my stomach wasn't spreading around in my body, and I didn't flinch and remember all of those terrible nightmares. "Stay with me tonight," I whispered slowly losing myself in the long lost sleep I had needed. And for what it's worth, I slept without nightmares for at least a couple of hours.

"YO, MELANIE! WAKE UP!" the sound was so loud that I had to burry myself into my pillow to let the after effect go away. I felt completely burned out and probably looked the part too. "Shut up.." I moaned into the pillow but the person with way to much energy. "Mel, It's fucking Christmas morning! WAKE UP!" he yelled again and I quickly grabbed a pillow and threw it his way. "Someone's grumpy today…" he said after the sound of the pillow hitting him disappeared. "You know. It's a perfectly fine day and it isn't even eight AM, it isn't even raining!" he wouldn't stop talking and suddenly I felt the bed lower itself as he sat there. I gripped the sides of my bed tightly, trying to calm down, but his loud annoying voice went right through me. The anger boiled inside me and I quickly got up just to glare at the person sitting on my bed. "Seth! Get the fuck out of my room!" I yelled as loud as I could when I saw his cheerful face. I was not in the mood for his obnoxious happiness this early in the morning.

"Don't be so angry Mel, you weren't here yesterday and I want to wish you a merry Christmas," a more serious undertone lied in his voice and I closed my eyes in sadness as he said the words. Yesterday… god, I had been stupid. My head fell down on the pillow again and Seth got up from my bed. "Seth wait," I quickly said when he opened the door and sat up a bit in my bed. His cheerful face smiled down at me and I tried to smile back. "Give me fifteen minutes,"

"Merry Christmas!" Sam's loud voice boomed through the room and I couldn't help but to smile. Our tree stood in the living room and was packed with lots of presents. Emily was standing in the kitchen and wished me a merry Christmas as well. I smiled at them both hoping that I hadn't been too rude yesterday. I remembered drinking a lot, and sitting on the beach, but after only half the bottle had been drunk I couldn't remember shit. "Embry, what are you doing?" I asked when I noticed him under the tree lifting up presents in his hand. He was actually wearing clothes today. "I'm giving you your presents, dumb ass," he smirked and quickly walked over to me pushing me towards the couch. Of all the people I had met here, Embry was the only one who had dared touch me. With the exception of Paul yesterday when he had been mean.

I opened the presents, one by one and found myself touched by them. Embry gave me a bracelet with small animals carved out in wood on it. I stared at the bracelet in my hand and smiled. He had used time on me, he had tried. The overwhelming feeling of giving him a hug came to me and I quickly wrapped my arms around his surprised body and squeezed a little. "Thank you," I said and smiled widely. It was too late not to get close to them all, and I recognized it when it happened. The fearful feeling from the dream had evaporated after last night and I wondered what could have happened. Embry didn't say anything about the change and he didn't react on it either. Thank god.

Sam and Emily gave me a dream catcher, they had probably heard me scream in my sleep, and a hair straightener which I knew Sam had seen me eying in the store. The one from Jake contained a picture of me on my first day here. I was standing outside in the rain with my backpack hanging loosely on my shoulder and a small smile was placed on my lips. I looked so out of place there, a misfit, yet the picture looked artistic. If he had been here I would have given him a hug too, he deserved one. Pictures like these were hard to find. "Thank you all so much, I really appreciate it," I whispered and tried my best not to cry. Miss Miller took me to a spy last Christmas and she had long conversations with me about life and my future. Had she known that they were about to find my half brother?

Sam was about to answer me when the door yet again, shot up and Paul came walking in. he looked really tired again and I wondered what he could possibly have done yesterday. He searched the room with his dark brown eyes and stopped when he reached me. "Hey," he breathed and walked towards me. "Hi?" I answered with a questioning tone. What on earth was with him? Christmas or not, he never greeted me. I still felt like shit and was not in the mood for his games. "Sleep well?" he asked and sat down next to me on the brown couch. I made sure to have at least a few inches to distance myself from him. the way he was looking at me... it was as if he was trying to tell me something unconsciously, or trying to see if I understood something. "What? Why wouldn't I, Paul stop it with the God damn games, if you want to say something then say it," I hissed and glared at him. His face faltered in front of my eyes and he looked at me with disappointed eyes.

I knew we were back to normal when they darkened just a bit filling with newfound anger and a smirk replaced my glare. He wasn't shutting me down, not after yesterday. Paul sent me a death glare and stood up from the couch. "You are a fucking bitch," he sneered before stalking out the door shutting the door harshly behind him. My body filled with a stinging sensation and I felt like running to my room only to cry, but when it all came down to my stomach my feet hurriedly carried me to the bathroom.

I was spending Christmas morning over the toilet, puking my guts out… just like last time.

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thanks for reading!


	7. Defeated

**Hey, I'm really sorry about posting late! The power went at home and the internet got completely fucked up, it's fixed now though and I'll do my best to keep posting! **

**disclaimer: I do not own twilight or anything related to it  
**

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**Chapter 7**

**Defeated **

"Why?" my childish voice whispered into the hard cold cell phone in my hand. Salty tears fell from my big eyes getting caught in my black lashes and I could feel my throat tremble dangerously. "Honey… sometimes things we want just aren't right for us," her voice was soft, comforting and guilty, guilty because she was doing it to me. "I'm sorry, I'm very sorry, Melanie," she took a new breath of air, it made a strange whistling sound in the phone, "Goodbye sweetheart," then she hung up. The trembling in my throat got worse, and exploded into loud sobs and cries. She promised me that we would be okay! I sniffed loudly desperately trying to rid myself of the snot in my nose. Anna never told me this would happen, she never told me they would just… leave me. "Melanie, calm down, we'll find another family for you, it will all be okay," Anna's soothing voice said from behind me and I kept on crying. What would you expect from a six year old? I was finally old enough to understand, at least in some way, that they could let me go, that they could just say that they didn't want me anymore and that would be it.

The fit I threw that day was awfully loud and Anna had to give me cough syrup just to make me sleep. It might have been a bad day and a bad memory, but it was an important one. The most important one so far because that day, the little girl turned into something else. She turned into a girl who had felt pain, a girl who had to grow up fast and a girl who didn't quite know where she belonged. She turned into me.

I missed my wolf, even if it had scared the living hell out of me since the second it appeared in the yard, and even if I had wished it gone since that moment, not seeing it now was hard. The grey beauty of the animal was missed and after four weeks of seeing it, it had become something comfortable. It had become a part of my daily routine and I had felt safe. It's strange how I didn't even noticed that fact before it was gone.

My pencil drew another line on the thick white paper, trying to enhance my memory and make it something that would live forever. Soft music played in my ears and a cold wind blew through my room from the open window. I was making a drawing which would outline a painting that would hang on the wall. My wolf.

You can try to forget about all the bad things you do in life, but it will never work. They stick with you somewhere in your body, I knew that very well. Even if you don't notice it you'll feel a bit more sad for everything bad that you do, for every person you hurt. Even if you never mean it. and I was feeling it. I was feeling every inch of the pain and hurt I had created in someone else. It was eating up on my heart and the stabbing pain wouldn't leave me. I felt like crying all the time and at the moment I really didn't get why.

Why, why, why! Why did I care if Paul had called me a bitch? He had done so plenty of times before, what made this time different? Why did I care about the hurt expression lying deep under his anger as if I had wounded him like no one else ever had? Why was he sad! I just couldn't understand it. What had I done that would make him ignore everything and everyone for four full days?

I sighed loudly and let my head fall down on my old desk, trying to make the pressure behind my eyes go away. Crying was never the solution. Pain didn't go away because of it, the only thing crying gave you was a big head ache. "Why can't I have a cat… or a dog? Something to talk to who cares enough to stay?" I whispered to no one and everything. My head was up in a big messy bun and my pale skin was even paler than usual. The under eye bags I was sporting were getting darker and darker as the sleepless nights went by and I knew that soon I was going to collapse. Fucking shit.

My hands found the quote book that lied nonchalantly on the corner of the desk and my cold fingers brushed through the pages quickly, trying to find something that would make it a little bit more okay. When I did, I was surprised to see that this one I had written myself.

"_**We need sadness**_

_**We need depression **_

_**Once in a while **_

_**To get by."**_

You could say that it was the words of a person finding excuses not to get help, but it wasn't. I had been perfectly fine when I had scribbled it down with the almost empty black pen that I always carried with me. Actually, happy had been the only thing I could find to explain my mood back then and it was all because of the Cole twins. A smile crossed my face when I thought about them and I wished that I could call them. Pushing myself off the desk I walked out of my room and through the house.

Emily barely notice me leaving at the speed I was going and I didn't wait for her to react, I just quickly got on my boots and jacket and walked out in the cold rain. No one had been over for a while, and I had a feeling something was happening today, something I wasn't a part of. So I decided to clear my mind and take a walk through the beach again, like I had done Christmas eve. Hopefully something about that night would come back to me. No one liked to lose their memory.

After walking for a couple of minutes I noticed a dark figure sitting by the edge of the water looking depressed as hell with his head fallen into his hands and his posture rather crushed. The wind blew tiny sand corns into my face and hair, but I ignored it and hurriedly walked over to Paul seeing a chance to apologize for my stupid behavior. "Paul!" I shouted when I was sure he would be able to hear me, even with the wind. His head snapped up quickly at my voice and I noticed how his eyes darkened as I came closer. This was going to be hard. "Hey, don't look so sad," I murmured and sat down next to his quiet body hoping that the wet sand wouldn't make a mark on my black jeans. I studied him and the painful ache in my heart worsened. He looked even more exhausted than last time I saw him and I wondered if he had really slept at all. Whatever it was that had made him this way, it wasn't me. That I knew for certain.

I couldn't possibly have done something so terrible.

"I'm not sad, I'm tired," he replied huskily and a warm chill ran through my body. I sighed and stared at the ocean in front of me. After a while of silence I decided to speak up. "I've seen a lot of happy people in my life, and a lot of sleep deprived ones," I took a break and contemplated whether I should look at him or not. I decided against it. "You're not one of those people," I finished silently wondering why I was doing to him what I hated people doing to me. Paul didn't answer and I felt myself deflate even more. "Listen, I'm really sorry for whatever I did to you, I didn't mean to be a bitch about you acting normal and nice, it's just…" I didn't finish my sentence. Why did I act so strange? Why did I always argue with Paul?

"Stupid as I am I thought you would remember," Paul suddenly said startling me with the faint laugh in his dark voice. My eyes went to his face trying to figure out what on earth he was talking about. "Remember what…?" I asked when I didn't see any answers in his dark brown eyes. Seeing him so… normal was strange. He was always angry or really full of himself and now we were just having a normal, almost, conversation as if we were friends. "You got really drunk that night, I never pegged you for one who drank much," he said and turned his face to look at me. I was mortified. What on earth could I have done? Oh god. I felt sick. "Don't look so pale, you didn't do much," he said as if he had read my mind and I quickly looked away from him. Me, alcohol and other people always led to either me having a great time or me telling them my secrets.

"Uhm, well obviously I did _something,"_ I stated after collecting myself a bit. "Tell me," I whispered and closed my eyes. He held his gaze on me, I could feel it through my eyelids and again that strange shiver went through my spine. Something had happened the last couple of days, something that had made me very different. My body didn't feel that strong urge to push his limits or to fight with him. I just wanted it to be over and I wanted us to be… friends? Paul's russet skin looked warm and comfortable from where I was sitting and his hair made me want to run a hand through it. He looked beautiful.

The internal slap I gave myself for thinking it stung and I sighed with great annoyance. "Listen, I say and do shit when I'm drunk, and I probably told you stuff you shouldn't know about," my voice was harsh and I talked quickly almost expecting him to jump in somewhere or to give me a nod. However, I had not expected him to touch me. "and it's not wh—" my voice stood still and so did he. His hand was on shoulder shaking slightly and leaving no trace of even the thought that he would let go. "Think for fucks sake, and you'll remember everything," he snarled angrily and I almost jumped where I was sitting. My eyes found his in astonishment and my mouth dropped slightly. You see, what he was saying wasn't meant as anything mean, it was for me and only for me. and as I stared into his dark pools everything came back to me.

"So why are you so sad?" I asked him as I realized that I hadn't done something bad enough to make him feel so bad. Yes, having a moment like that, pure and caring was maybe something big for both of us, but it was not the reason to his pain. He sighed loudly and I knew that he wasn't going to answer my questions. I had to respect that. "Don't tell anyone, the things that I said. Sam would freak and, and it's my personal life. Don't tell anyone." Paul stared at me for a few seconds probably contemplating what to say now. It wasn't often things like these happened. He looked down at his hands before letting his back hit the sand. "I'll do my best," he finally said and gave me a smile. That was good right? at least I didn't feel so bad anymore.

"Good," and then just because I knew he would know the answer, I had to ask him something else. "Do you know where the wolf is by the way? The one that usually sits in the woods by my window?" a shocked expression came over his face. "Why?" he shot back quickly and I shrugged silently. "I like having him there, that's all," I spoke fast avoiding showing him that it was more than just a casual question. a bright smile came across his face and I saw the joy appear in his eyes. "No, I don't know where it is," he said and shook his head with amusement.

Hours later I was sitting on the same beach, but with another person next to me. His skin was russet and his eyes brown, but they were not Paul's. "Embry, shut up! You're going to kill me!" I shouted as another fit of laughter left my stomach. Oh, how that boy made me laugh. "Mel, you're too easy to tease," he smirked and got up giving me a hand to get up as well. He was smiling and I giggled at how easy it was for him to get me to my feet. "Oh Mel, you strange little sweetheart," he muttered and I calmed down from my laughing fit. A few moments later we were walking down the beach towards the house.

"I heard you and Paul made up, even saw you cuddle on the beach today," the teasing smirk was back on his lips and I blushed bright red at his words. I was so sure no one had seen it, how I had leant on him and how he had put his arms around me. We had reached a new place, a place where we didn't hate each other anymore. It was nice.

"Yeah, we're friends now," an involuntary smile placed itself on my pink lips and I sighed pleasantly. Embry stayed quiet and gripped his arm friendly as we walked. "You're getting better," he stated after a while and I nodded my head in agreement. I was getting better.

"_**The truth is you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed." **_

The quote sipped easily off my tongue and was happy that it did. "It's by Eminem," I said as we kept on walking towards the house. Embry smiled down at me as if realizing something incredibly good. "He's a smart guy," I agreed and gave him a small push. "If you ever feel bad again and there's no one else around, feel free to invade my privacy," Embry said with a serious tinge to his dark voice and I nodded my head shortly giving my consent. I knew I was going to call Darren when I came home, and after him I would probably talk to Evan too. They were my life savers if they knew it or not and they deserved to be remembered. Missing someone was hard, it was tearing something away from you and feeling like you'll never get it back. But it's still better to miss something you had, then to wish for something you'll never get. That I had learnt a long time ago.

"Thanks Em, I appreciate it," I gave Embry another nod before stalking into the house in front of us, making it clear that I was not to be disturbed. Sam shot me a curious look from the kitchen where he and Emily were being disgustingly lovey dovey and I rolled my eyes at them. love was overrated anyways. I grabbed my cell phone by my bed and quickly dialed Darren Cole's number anticipating his cherry voice. Despite my promises not to freak from happiness from hearing him talk I just couldn't stop the smile appearing on my face. "Darren Cole, ready for a mission," he courtly said and I gave out a small laugh. "Darren! It' me, Melanie!" I screamed excitedly into the phone and lay down on my bed. His happy laughter shot through the phone making his voice sound strange and recognizable all at the same time.

"Mel, how are you babe! We've missed you like crazy!" he boomed and I threw out another fit of giggles. This was how I was when comfortable and happy. The feeling rushed through me and I gave myself a pat on the shoulder thinking about how great things were going. I answered Darren's questions and he answered mine. He and Evan had been two key points in my life, they had changed it and made it better. They had been the greatest rollercoaster I had taken and I knew that if I could I would take it all over again.

"But Mel, are you okay?" he asked after numerous other questions and I sighed deeply into the phone. "Well… yeah, but I'm just so fucking confused Darr, you wouldn't even believe it. "

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Thanks for reading! PLEASE review! Emma


	8. The Very First Time

**Hi! Sorry for the late update, I don't have much time lately (school) so I'll just post chapters when i get them done. I'll try to do it every week but we'll se how it goes.  
**

**disclaimer: I do not own twilight or anything related to it  
**

**ps. sorry if this is boring! it will get more heated the next chapter. You've waited long ;) Please review!  
**

**-Emma  
**

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**Chapter 8**

**The Very First Time**

Paul and I hadn't been fighting for the last three days, but then we hadn't been talking either. I was intentionally avoiding him and did my very best to stay as far away from his as I could possibly be without it being too much of a bother. In other words, we hadn't seen much of each other at all. And in a way it was very pleasing, because I knew that if we did spend any kind of time together that it would be terribly awkward. Not because of him of course, it was me who made the problems. I was a very awkward person in situations like this. It was as Darren had once put it, when people knew too much about me and I felt uncomfortable in the situation I would simply be awkward. Well and ignore them…

"Mel, I need your help outside," Sam said and I sighed as I watched him walk out the door obviously expecting me to follow him. I was sitting on the couch reading a book in perfect silence at the time ignoring the fact that today was the last day of the year. "Fine…" I grumbled making no effort hiding my attitude. When I walked outside I spotted Sam walking towards the beach and I quickly followed him so that he wouldn't think that I was ignoring his request. We walked in silence for a while and I noticed how the cold air surrounded me uncomfortably. It would probably be freezing tonight so I was glad the boys were gathering wood for a bon fire. I still remembered how they seemed different and how their senses along with mine were stronger than they were supposed to be. Eventually it had become something I was accustomed too.

I knew with certainty that Sam didn't need my help at all, and I was a little curious about why he was taking me with him. either he wanted to show me something or he was going to talk to me, and I could live perfectly fine without both. "Sam, come on…you can at least be honest with me…" I murmured agitatedly at by half brother and glared at his t shirt covered back. I admit it, today I was angry and was not appreciating the cold yet warm shoulder Sam was giving me! I half expected him to stop or turn around as we were walking god knows where, but he didn't. he just glanced back at me while walking and smirked. "We're almost there," he said and I frowned. Another cold wind blew in my direction and I hugged myself tightly as we walked, my mood worsening every second that went by.

After a few more seconds I was in a terrible mood and wanted nothing but to stalk back to the warmth of the house, but Sam had stopped before big fallen tree which I suspected being our base. If this was what he wanted to show me then he could go fuck himself. "Sam, I didn't come out here just to watch a god damn tree, so if there wasn't anything else you wanted to tell me then I'm off…" and with and after thought I added; "it's freezing out here." Sam only stared at me with serious eyes and pointed, with a stiff finger, at the fallen three. "Sit," he said leaving no room for argument. I raised an eyebrow distastefully at the wet moss on the tree and crossed my arms angrily, yet I sat down. Sam remained standing.

My frown worsened when I realized that this was looking more and more like a scene from one of those bad children's movies where the child got yelled at by the father of the house. Crap… I watched Sam as he paced a little bit before me and noticed how his usually calm and stern eyes had changed to worried ones. Well then… I cleared my throat uncomfortably trying to get him to start talking since he seemed so troubled with it. Sam sighed heavily and stopped pacing around. "Okay, so I'll just cut to the chase, "I nodded my head approvingly and his hands touched his chin supporting it. "I'm worried about you," he stated.

Well… wasn't that a surprise? I stayed calm and I hoped that he couldn't see the fear in my dark green eyes. "Why?" it was a simple question so it concerned me that Sam's posture changed completely. He wasn't comfortable doing this, saying these things to me. but I needed to know the reason… "since Christmas eve you have been acting strange," he stopped talking and sent me an exasperated look. "Listen, I know I'm only four years older than you and I can't be a parent for you, but I'm your brother and I care. You can come to me if something is bothering you," the disapproving look in my eyes was obvious, I made sure he could see it. anger stabbed my heart and spread through my body and I silently tried to calm myself down. My hands clenched into fists and I gritted my teeth furiously.

"What on earth makes you think I would come to you?" I asked hoarsely and stared at Sam in disbelief. The shock forming in his brown eyes left him standing speechless in front of me. "When you start acting like the brother you are saying you are, then I'll come to you, then I'll tell you what bothers me and what doesn't. then I'll let you help me with my problems," my voice was low and dangerous as the anger swam through me like fire. Who did he think he was! "but right now I have a better relationship with the guy I have been hating on since we met than I have with you, so please don't come asking me for something I won't be able nor willing to give you." Sam's eyes hardened as he collected himself and I stood up from the wet moss I was sitting on. "You are staying in my house and you will _not_ speak to me like that," he growled in my direction making fire light up in my eyes.

"Don't you dare use that as an excuse or reason to how I am supposed to act! You _chose_ to let me stay, it was _your_ choice! And you had the chance to say no anytime you fucking wanted." I was yelling my temper flaring. The trembles that left Sam's strong body should have scared me. they should have made me turn around and run. But they didn't.

"I opened my home to you, excuse me for thinking that you maybe, just maybe wanted some family in your life!" he growled lowering his voice dangerously. I stared at him, purposely waiting for his trembles to stop before speaking. Fear rushed through me as silently a light breeze and I swallowed hard. My anger would have to go away so I did my best to push it away like I should have done from the beginning. Breathing heavily Sam still glared at me and I looked at him with calm eyes. When he finally stopped shaking I spoke.

"the only wrong thing about your statement Sam, is that you haven't given me family at all. You have given me a place to stay, which I am grateful for, but no family," I spoke slowly and gave him a slight nod and a tight lipped smile before stalking of into the direction of the beach. I knew that coming into a new family was hard, I had done it plenty of times before and usually a fight like this, or an argument would fix it. the scary part was over, I didn't have to do that again.

I had barely gotten out of sight when I heard Sam's loud voice force its way into my ears. "I know it's hard for you being here. I know you don't want me knowing anything about your personal life and I know you asked Paul about the wolf. I know everything." The statement wasn't meant as anything mean, it was meant as reasoning to why he was acting the way he was acting, yet the cutting betrayed feeling that swam through my body made me stop.

"What?" I breathed. The world was a strange place… but I knew people, I knew how they acted and how I should never, _ever_ expect anyone to be able to keep secrets that weren't about themselves. I almost didn't notice it when Sam's hands covered my shoulders leading warmth through my body. "I _know,_" he repeated and again I felt a sharp pang of hurt hit me in the gut. I don't know why I felt so incredibly surprised, why I just couldn't comprehend that he… he had betrayed me. he had ratted me out to the one person I wanted to know nothing more about me. "And you're telling me this, why?" my voice was hoarse and quiet, and I swallowed harshly. Sam had to let me go soon, he knew I wouldn't disappear like last time. I knew I wouldn't.

"I'm sorry Melanie, he couldn't exactly not tell me," the truth rang in my ears, and Sam was being honest. But there was an underlying truth to his words that I was probably never going to find out what was. "Did he have a choice?" I asked hardly and turned around in his grasp to face him. the troubled look on his face made me squirm inside, but I stood strong staring him in the eyes. After a few seconds… he answered. "No,"

My feet hurriedly carried me into the woods, not caring that Sam had told me never to go in there. Today was my day, today I needed to go. He was out there, the smell and the sound told me that so I sat down on the ground with a determined look on my face, and waited. My hair was damp from the light drizzle that fell from the sky and my shoes were muddy and brown. "Come on. You have been watching me for a month, the least you can do is show up when I need you to," I said sternly leaving no room for argument and making no effort to hide the fuming anger that wallowed in me. My eyes were fixed on the bushes to my left challenging him to come out for me. After a while of nothing… I sighed deeply.

"I'm not going to hurt you… I just. I just need someone to talk too,"

The second the words left my lips, a weak whimper sounded and the big wolf appeared in the bushes I had been staring at. Up front it was so much more beautiful than it had been from a distance. His wet fur almost glowed with the silver streaks in the grey and his face was kind. I stared at him, noticing how my heartbeat began to fasten and took a deep breath as a shot of adrenalin overtook my body. My breathing fastened as the animal slowly walked towards me, his head bent down in submission and I carefully locked my eyes with his. My whole body relaxed then. His eyes were filled with concern and love, they were filled with nothing but pleasant feelings and from that moment on… I _knew_ this wolf was never going to hurt me.

He sat down a meter or so away from me and I frowned. Maybe he thought I was afraid of it? Any normal human being would have been scared shitless by what was happening, but I just couldn't be afraid. It didn't feel unnatural sitting there with him, it was as if being near these wolfs was something I had been my whole life. Because there were more of them, Sam had said so.

"This is the last day of the year…" I said and cocked my head to the side observing the creature. Would he understand me? By the way his head moved in my direction and his dark brown eyes connected with mine, I knew he did. My hands grabbed some leaves on the ground and I absentmindedly played with them. "They usually say that every new year is a chance to be someone different, you know?" I ripped another leaf apart and smiled ironically. "I think that's bullshit, the chance is there all along but people will never accept you as anything new," a small whimper came from the wolf and I looked up from my hands. "What? It's true. I should fucking know… Anna told me the same thing over and over again, but hell, one look at my medical records and they saw me as the same old Melanie," my voice was bitter and hoarse. Talking about Anna reminded me about how I would be out of her hair soon. And how I missed her.

I sighed and thought about all the difficulties I had managed to make here. "I'm not usually angry you know… but I'm having these terrible nightmares and I can't sleep. My body is constantly exhausted and it gives me a bad temper," I don't know why I felt like explaining myself, the wolf hadn't seen me angry, he hadn't been close to me before. But I guess saying these things helped. My eyes closed as another blast of wind blew through the three's. "Darren is the only guy who knows me, we used to sit up and just talk for ages," I smiled at the memory ignoring the low growl from the wolf even though it sent shivers of fear down my spine. "He's like a brother to me, my best friend. But we barely get to talk… he's so busy and I'm… well I'm here." my voice was soft, I didn't regret coming here… it would be better. wrapping my arms around my body I crawled over to the wolf on my knees. He didn't even flinch when I let my body fall into his. The fur between my fingers was so soft… I cuddled into it.

"People used to think we were dating, since we clicked so well, but we both never saw it as anything else than friendship. In fact I called him last night and talked about how confused I feel!" I leant even further into the wolf feeling his beating heart through me. His breathing was calming and I smiled hesitantly at how good it felt. "Paul can be a dick, he seriously can. But I don't know… there is just something different about us now. And I'm scared that if we spend any more time together that I will fall." The last part came out as a whisper and the big wolf stiffened behind me. I looked up and I noted how his eyes were brighter than before, as if he was really happy.

"As much as I hate to say it, Bud, I have to get going… I'm probably going to need a while to get ready and it's already five PM." Giving the wolf a soft smile I stood up and brushed off dirt from the ground off my jeans. He stood up as well and I had to look up to look at his head. "It was fun, maybe I'll talk to you again!" a small bubble of laugh escaped my lips and I grinned sheepishly. Talking to an animal like it was human… I felt kind of stupid. "bye,"

When I got back to the house Sam was sitting on the couch staring on god knows what. His forehead was wrinkled and his eyes small. Sam was thinking. The second I walked in I embraced the warmth that flooded towards me and sighed with pleasure. Wearing a sweater, jeans and shoes with a weather like that was never a good idea. Not this time of the year.

Sam didn't look at me when I sat down next to him, probably afraid of what I had to say or how I looked like, but he had nothing to fear. I wasn't an unfair person, I knew that he was young and starting a life with his fiancé. The timing hadn't exactly been good. "We're good," I said staring mindlessly at a small picture on the wall. "I know this is hard for you, I know that being as young as you are and taking on a responsibility like this is tough, I'm used to it so it isn't as difficult as it used to be for me," I took a pause my eyes stilled glued to the small frame on the wall. "I'm used to responsibility, Melanie… I don't know _why _this is so hard for me," he said quietly and I smiled.

"You might be used to responsibility Sam, but this is different. I'm your … your _blood_, that's why it's hard. But it will get better…" he looked at me then, quilt written all over his face and a varm glow in his eyes. "It always does," he finished my sentence and I knew that he was thankful for my understanding. Because… well, who wouldn't be?

I bumped my shoulder with his, smiling sheepishly. "mate, let's not be too emotional, that's just way too weird," I grinned and he shook his head in amusement. Sam was about to say something when the front door opened and the guy I had been avoiding like the plague walked in beaming as if his biggest dream had come through.


	9. Again?

**Hi, I want to apologize for the late update. School has been a real pain in the ass and I've been so exhausted that writing more was never an option. But I have not forgotten you so even if the updates might come slower I'm still writing this story. I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**please review:)**

**disclaimer: I do not own twilight or anything related to it.**

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**Chapter 9**

**Again? **

I stared at him and blushed. The embarrassing pink, or rather red, that covered my cheeks was nothing but a small indicator of how I felt inside. I had, after all, avoided him and now as a result of that, I was sure of it, he was standing right in front of me looking as if he knew exactly why. Fuck. Dark eyes enhanced mine from behind a few strands of unruly hair and a chill went through my body.

"Paul, what are you doing here? There are things for you to do outside." Sam barked next to me probably annoyed at him for ruining our moment of bonding. He didn't have to worry though, I would probably have ruined it myself by saying something inappropriate. Paul's head snapped away from mine to face Sam, his features unchanged. "Oh yeah, sorry…" he murmured and turned around to go, but before he went out the door he gave me a breathtaking smile. "I just had to see," he whispered to Sam and looked at me one more time before walking out. I stared at the door as it shut behind him, completely confused as of what had just happened. "What did you do to that boy?" Sam asked me and shook his head jokingly. But that's the thing isn't it? I had no idea what I had done!

"Uh… I don't know? He's like the strangest person I have ever met!" I sighed and relaxed in on the couch again. but then, it wasn't as if stranger things hadn't happened before, right? Millard had been quite the stalker and his infatuation with me had driven me to the point where I didn't give a shit about hurting him or not. Did that make me a bad person?

"So… I need to get ready for the party," I told Sam as I stood up to leave. The awkward silence had already started to build and I knew, as he knew, that we hadn't come far enough in our relationship to fix it. "Oh yeah, you go, I'll just help the guys finish off outside." Ahh, the nervousness of new relationships and important people. Wasn't it nice? "See yah!" I waved him off and closed the door to my room behind me. My cheeks were still a bright pink color and I was very tempted to just die. Why was I so awkward? Why couldn't I hold a straight face? Well… if you look away from my embarrassing blush I actually did quite well. I decided to make that the end of my stupid episode and made myself ready, both mentally and physically for the party.

"This can't be right… can it?" uncertainty painted my voice as I stretched my neck to look at my back. Somehow a part of my dress that I was a hundred percent sure was supposed to be on my shoulder somewhere, was hanging loosely by my torso. Which left a part of my back exposed making me feel not only uncomfortable, but also quite cold. It was moments like these that I wished I had more female friends. Or more gay friends, that would work too. As long as I could get some assistance. I groaned loudly and shook my head furiously, why wouldn't it just go my way? Hadn't I tried on the dress at least one time before? Yes, yes I had, then why was it so hard to just wear it now?

I knew that I didn't have much of a choice now… so I did the only thing I could do, even if it bothered me a lot to even ask…

Gulping down my pride I removed myself from the mirror in my room and opened the door ever so slightly making sure no male was in sight. Then I pushed my head through the crack and took a deep preparing breath. "Emily, I need your help!" I shouted and winced as my voice went through the house loudly. God, I sounded desperate. "What is it?" I heard her concerned voice before I saw her but the sound of her body moving air touched my ears lightly, preparing me for her entry. Walking into my room again my face turned apologetic. I knew that she was making herself presentable for the night as well and I hated the thought of being a bother. "I, uhm, can't get my dress on right and I really, really need your help." I stared at her bedazzled face for only a quarter of a second before my lips moved again. "I mean, where does it all go!?"

After watching Emily try to stifle her very loud laughter she finally helped me making my back covered by the lilac dress as it was supposed to be. She stared at me in the mirror after it was done and I was happy that I had applied my makeup and done my hair first. "Thanks," I gave her a kind smile and she beamed back at me. "Oh, it was nothing. You look beautiful tonight…" her eyes glistened suggestively and I gulped. "Anyone you want to impress?" she asked and gave me a small push on the shoulder. The blush that covered my cheeks was dark and embarrassing. Since when did I blush!? I'd never been one for it before!

"No…" I mumbled quietly and gave her a sharp look. She knew Paul was on my mind, she _knew_. Bothering me with it was unnecessary. It wasn't as if it didn't annoy the living hell out of me, it wasn't as if I it was welcomed.

Paul was not supposed to be on my mind and I couldn't let myself fall for him, how many times hadn't he been a complete dick to me. How many times hadn't I wanted to tear my hair out of aggravation? So what if we'd had a few moments of confidentiality, so what if he had acted as if he actually cared. They didn't just magically rule out all the times he had been a dick, it didn't rule out all the times he had hurt me. After all, my drunken night, the beginning of our nice moments, the beginning of our strange tangled relationship, was _his_ fault. So why, _why _did I have to feel so much better when he was around? Why did I feel this deep happy feeling thinking about it?

Silence followed my hard statement and an awkward aroma filled the air making me claustrophobic and very uncomfortable. "Well, let's go, or we'll be late," Emily broke the silence quickly and I took a grateful breath of air.

However much I wanted to deny it, however much I wanted to push it away and never see it again, the growing feeling of overwhelming happiness that took over my body whenever I saw or heard Paul's voice was still there. And as the feeling of lightness was so newly discovered I had no idea how to act. My first instinct was to run, to do everything in my power just to avoid it, but then he had to be all sivil and come to see me. his walking figure was dark and he wore blue jeans, a white shirt with a dark blue tie. The smile his pink lips were sporting made something in me turn and a light panic spread inside me. my eyes travelled over his chest, his arms his legs… they observed the muscle the leanness of his posture, his smiling face. God I was checking him out. And I was _enjoying_ it.

It was dark outside, but the bonfire the boys had lit gave us enough light to see each other. food was stacked everywhere and it looked like we were feeding an army instead of just us. I was used to that by now, but I still found it very strange how it all went. When Paul finally made his way over to me and I could look down at my suddenly very interesting feet, he acted like nothing but a normal person on New Year's Eve. "Hey," he said and I gave him an acknowledging nod back, trying not to look at his face. "Hi," somehow the creeping feeling that I had confessed my deepest thoughts to him became stronger at that moment and I had to fend off another small panic attack.

He smiled softly and touched a lock of my hair with his fingers. "You look beautiful," he stated and let my hair go. At that moment, when his sincere eyes connected with mine the sudden urge of contact overtook me. I wanted to hug him, to touch him. I wanted to _kiss_ him. I smiled thankfully and gave him a joking look. "You don't look so bad yourself," I smirked and was about to walk away from him when his hand went around mine protectively. "Where are you going?" he asked and I felt a jolt of electricity rush through me starting in my hand. Where was I going? Well I couldn't exactly say that his presence alone was so infuriatingly disturbing that being near him for one more second would make me do things I probably would regret later, could I? Or that the panicking feeling I constantly found myself sporting was too hard to handle at the moment? So I just laughed it off and did my best to be normal. "Oh, I'm just hungry," the truth was that this whole thing scared the living shit out of me. My reactions, my _thoughts_ scared me and I couldn't stay to watch them change. Not in the speed they were changing.

I sat on the slightly wet rock down the beach, hidden from everyone and everything. A bottle of light beer was sitting comfortably in my hand and I sipped it from time to time. It wasn't enough to get me drunk or even affected, I just liked the familiar taste of bitterness it contained. The darkness surrounded me to the degree that I knew no one with normal sight would be able to see me and I took comfort in that. Living in a house with someone, being near someone all the time, it didn't give me the greatest opportunity to be alone but it was New Year's Eve, and in exactly forty three minutes the new year would begin.

When I some minutes later heard footsteps carefully closing in on me and the smell of a familiar figure touched my nose, I didn't freak out or try to run. I welcomed the visitor as he would surely welcome me. "Hi, Em," Embry smiled surprisingly when he realized I had noticed him but he still sat down next to me on the moist rock. He wore almost the same outfit Paul was, but his tie was red. "Hey, it's almost midnight Mel," Embry's voice was a pleasant voice to hear and I loved talking to him. "Yeah, I know,"

Almost midnight. Almost a new year. "Who are you going to be next year Embry?" I asked a mocking undertone to my voice. "Hmm," he said and pretended to think long and hard about it. "How about who I am right now?" and he was serious about it. "I don't have to change at all Mel, I can be who I am right now and I'm completely happy with it," he sighed and looked down at his hands. Why was he always so serious? It was New Year's Eve, I wanted to be happy, not depressed! The sad thing was that I knew that in reality he was this awesome funny guy who I loved hanging out with. "Listen Mel, I know you said you thought change was shit, at least on New Year's Eve, but you _can _change if you want to and so can everybody else." The shock that struck me was terrible, and heart wrenching. "How did you know that?" I asked and stared at Embry. His body stiffened next to me and he knew he screwed up. "I, uh… I uh…" his eyes didn't meet mine and I felt a sharp pang of pain in my heart. Had he been listening to my private conversation? "You told me once, don't you remember?" he pathetically offered looking at me with panicked eyes. I didn't stop to stare at him and I knew he would offer the truth eventually, he had to. When I stood up to leave, he finally budged.

"Mel… wait! Paul overheard you in the woods, I'm sorry!" my eyes widened even more and the mere fear that spread in my eyes drenched my insides. _Paul_ heard it? Did he hear everything? What if he did, what if he_ knew_.

"He did what?" I asked shaking more than just a bit. Why would someone do something so cruel? He should have walked away, he should have avoided me, and most of all he should never have told it to the others. I wanted to smash something, to ruin something. Embry's face filled with surprise and he stalked after me when I turned away from him and stormed towards the bonfire. I didn't bother listening to the apologizing words behind me, I didn't bother to tell him what I was doing. all I knew was that I'd finally had enough, Paul had broken a promise, he had broken my trust and now he was going to pay for it.

When I found him talking to Sam I marched right over there, animatedly ignoring the confused glances I got from Emily and Kim. Of course the others would know, of course he'd told them. the seething anger that ran through me was heart wrenchingly close to feeling like something else. When I reached Sam and Paul, they both stared at me and if they hadn't known why I was angry, they knew when they saw my eyes. "Paul, let's go for a walk." I said pointedly the words barely escaping my gritted teeth.

He didn't say anything and neither did Sam, so I was glad when we finally reached a place where no one else was present. I turned around angrily in his direction, facing him with thunder eyes. God how much I wanted to hurt him, to kick him, to make him realize what he had done. My _private life_, my personal thoughts! MY. He had no business sharing them with anyone else. "Melanie, I'm sorry I_" he tried apologizing looking at me with eyes of honesty. "Don't apologize to me, Paul! After all this fucking time I thought you would have changed, just a little!" I sneered in his direction feeling myself hurt. I'd had enough. Paul stared at me with a new expression, one I barely saw anymore but that I remembered so well.

"Oh, for fucks sake Melanie," he suddenly growled my way shaking so bad that he made me uncomfortably scared. "You think _wanted _to tell them? You think I had any choice at all! You don't know shit, so stop acting as if this is all my fault!" his breathing was fast and dangerous and the look on his face was twisted in anger and.. pain. I took a step backwards keeping my eyes on his even though they showed nothing but alert. "YES! That's exactly what I think. Fine you overheard a conversation, but to tell it to everyone else such a dick move! " looking away from his shaking body I tried taking a deep breath to calm myself. Being angry was like being burned alive and the frantic release I needed was never good. The loud growl that came from Paul made adrenalin shot through my body, the fear that spread inside me was terrifyingly real and I had to take more steps back. "You're scaring me," I breathed wide eyed and afraid.

Paul closed his eyes and we stayed quiet for a while, his shaking lessened and his breathing got better but I could see that it took a great amount of control do to so. What would happen if he let go? What would happen if he let himself explode? "I can't explain it to you, but I never meant for them to know, and I am sorry." With that he walked over to me and grabbed my arms forcefully. Staring into my eyes as if his life depended on it he leaned in closer to my face making my breathing stop completely. His dark eyes were filled with remorse and want and I couldn't help but to crumble under his stare. Everything else was forgotten, why I was there, what he had done to me. what day it was. It was all gone. His face was suddenly so close to mine that I could almost taste his breath and a long shiver went through me. his nose touched mine softly and a strange yelp came from my throat. My heartbeat quickened and I could hear his going.

God, he was going to kiss me.

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**Thanks for reading!**

**-Emma**


	10. Boom

**Hey, I know it's been a long time, but I hope it's worth the wait. The next chapter probably won't take that long. I'm trying to finish it by the end of this week. Things are getting heated so I hope you like this. please leave a comment/review!**

**disclaimer: I do not own twilight or anything related to it.**

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Chapter 10

**Boom.**

I couldn't make myself close my eyes, caught in the mystery of his, but I wished with all I had in me that I could look away. The awareness I had of his body so close to mine… it scared me to death. I was willing myself to remember, to remember every single reason I had to hate him, but as I stared into his dark, dark orbs the convincing thoughts suddenly turned into unwanted dust in my brain. My breath caught in my throat and I felt my cheeks fill with blood. Every single one of my senses got stronger; his fast heartbeat was like a harsh undertone to my ears and his breathing sounded strained. My body stiffened when I felt the extra heat radiating from him. From Paul. Because that's who he was, but somehow every single memory, every single thought, _everything _got buried so deep into the moment that I couldn't, that I didn't _want _to dig it back up again.

"I…" my mind was so blank that nothing came out and I felt myself take a sharp intake of air. "Yes?" Paul murmured slowly, alluringly. Pressing his cinnamon breathe into my face while I inhaled it as if it was the first time I had ever tasted clean air. "I can't think," I managed to choke out. One of Paul's hands moved upwards, trailing the line from my arm to my chin, slowly. Why couldn't I close my eyes? He cupped my chin lightly and my skin prickled as if thousands of small needles were stabbing me. "I'm going to kiss you," he said so full of control that I wondered how he did it. And then… then he kissed me.

I didn't lose control like I thought I would. I didn't retreat either. I didn't do anything. I just let him press his soft lips from heaven onto mine. He moved closer to me, pressing his body flush against mine while I was stuck in the same position I had been in when it started. The rush of blood accelerated in my body, warming every single part of me. My mind went so blank that nothing remained, I was empty.

When he moved away, he stared at me with an astonished look, and I knew from the bottom of my heart that this look was nothing good. The longing I felt of his lips was so strong that I almost wanted to kiss him myself, but it was confusing. Everything was so confusing. "You don't want this, do you?" Paul asked with sad eyes yearning for my honesty and what else could I do than to give him just that? He deserved at least something good from me. Or maybe I should save him from a bad decision?

I shook my head to clear my mind and did my best to collect my thoughts. "Today Sam told me that he knew everything I told you," I whispered and finally managed to drag my eyes away from his. He took a soft step backwards, letting air come between us. "And it's so confusing because you keep breaking your promises," And it_ was_ confusing, but was I going to back down? Was I going to let someone play with me? In all my seventeen years of life I had always tried to stand on my own, because if you do so no one can get to you. That was my rule, the only thing that kept me driven through hard times where I wanted comfort, where I wanted someone close to me, where I wanted to cry forever. I remembered all the times I had switched families, and I'd always been thinking that it was just another three years or so and I would find new ones. And they would send me away. Get bored. It was of course how I planned it, so it truly never hurt. No one ever got attached and no one ever tried for more than one period of time. That was how I liked it. Now it was different. And it had been different with my last family, but they had been taken away from me and their kindness caused me more pain than happiness. Was I going let a lifetime of decisions and rules get blown away by one simple boy?

I stared at the soft sand beneath my feet for a few more seconds, making my decision. It was harder than I had ever imagined it to be, at least with him. And later I might have regretted my decision plenty of times, it did give me pain, but it also provided me with the greatest amount of hope. When I looked up into his twisted eyes I knew I was doing the right thing.

"It's self preservation, you know," a small smile tucked at the corners of his lips and I smiled at him too. "But you already know that," I gave him a nod and curled my hands into small fists behind my back, gripping my dress with my right hand. "And most importantly… a simple sorry won't change me," I said with force, because I really meant it. And I was doing as I always did when something touched me. I was becoming closed and unreachable, just like I usually was.

"Okay, I won't bother you anymore," Paul finally said and locked eyes with me one more time before I realized that I had to go. "Thank you," I whispered and quickly turned away to walk back to the bon- fire where the others were, silently wishing that he would call me back.

When I reached the others if our big group, I smiled. Because they were all smiling at me, ushering me to come stand with them as the fireworks would start any minute. And what else could I do?

"Melanie, come on! It's about to begin," Seth's excited voice reached me in a sort of daze, but I walked over to him nevertheless. He was standing next to Embry wearing a green tie which made his eyes stand out. I realized then, that the girl who got someone like Seth would be a lucky one and that I wanted to somehow get to know him. "Yeah," I murmured and fixated my eyes on the sky somewhere, not realizing that I had more than one pair of eyes on me. A cold chill blew through the beach and I shivered involuntarily. The sky was so black, so dark that the small sparkles that tried so carefully to lighten it up were trapped. It reminded me of a human being's mind. Empty, careless, but with emotions and ideas lightening it up. When we were small we wanted stars to come to us, we wanted them as sort of pets. When we were small, we didn't understand emotions. Not other's at least. Now however, we know that a star would burn you alive if you got close to it. Isn't that something that could happen with emotions?

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_I stared at the picture in my hands. It was old, crumpled by the sides, and with lines etched into it where I had hastily folded it whenever I needed it to fit somewhere. No one but me ever got to see it, this was my picture, my precious treasure. I was nearing six years old when I understood that it was important and that I had to keep it safe, no matter what. It entranced me… the faces that stared so happily at the camera, their clothes, their expressions… even their age. And the fact that they were two. This was a picture that I wanted to keep in my mind forever._

_I was sixteen years old and I was meeting the new family yet again. Looking at the picture had become some sort of tradition… a reminder for who I was and _how _I was. The rules weren't going to change. They were staying, because this was my book of survival. That's what they had become and without them… I would be more than _just_ a little lost. _

_This time had been different. The house was bigger, the people were richer. And I… I was still me. "You're going to love your room, it's right by the garden like Mrs. Kingsley told me you liked it." I gave Miss Miller a polite smile and shuddered at the thought of the dinner that she had mentioned earlier. She was a small woman with short blonde hair and expensive clothes. Dining with her would probably be the most uncomfortable thing I would have to go through there. I didn't like her. I wonder now if it was because of the_ _sincerity in her voice, or the reasons she had for taking me in. There was something rather strange about it. My feet scraped the carpet floor as I walked into the room I would call my own for a while. It was as everything else in the house, big and beautiful. The walls were painted in a light brown color that reminded me of coffee with milk, and the huge bed that was placed in the middle of the room was covered in cream colored sheets. There was a door to my left with the words "bathroom" carved into it. I wondered how it looked like. A dark brown dresser was placed next to it and I felt myself walk over there and dropping my bag. _

"_It's great, thanks," I said in Miss Miller's direction and gave her another polite smile. She lingered by the door, staring at me for another few seconds before closing it behind her and walking out. It wasn't before I was sure she wasn't close to me anymore that I dared to take out the picture again. "Mom, dad… wish me luck," I whispered brushing a thump over their small faces before folding it together again and placing it in my bra. _

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I took Embry's hand when the fireworks started and not once did he try to move away. The coldness that all of a sudden had taken over my body seemed determined to stay and not even Embry's warm hand was giving me the warmth I needed. Everyone was cheering and wishing each other good luck, they were standing next to the people they loved, kissing the people they thought they belonged with. I wanted to believe that I was going to do the same thing one day, that my life was going to be like that and I guess I almost believed it.

"Embry? Can you hear that?" I asked squeezing his hand so tightly that he could feel me tremble next to him. Embry tensed when he heard my voice and he turned his head from the sky to look down at me. His brown chocolate eyes stared at me with fear and worry. I didn't understand that.

"Hear what?" he asked furrowing his brows. I felt myself weaken just a little and closed my eyes quickly. The sound that was throbbing in my ears was so clear and so frightening that I _knew_ I wasn't the only one hearing it. That wouldn't be possible. "The howling, Embry, that horrible howling," And there it was, penetrating my brain with it's loud noises. It felt like pain, and I knew that in all reality… that was exactly what it was. "Melanie… I can't hear anything, the fireworks are so loud, are you okay?" Embry asked me dragging me closer to his body, taking my other hand in his. The surprised look on his face turned into concern so quickly that I feared what he saw.

"Melanie, you're freezing!" he yelled and immediately tried to warm me up with his body, pressing it into me. But even though I could feel that he was warm, there was no warmth seeping over to me. "It isn't helping," I whispered into his embrace, and he stopped moving immediately. Pushing myself out of his grip, I moved away from him trying to walk over to Sam. I felt exhausted. My limbs were barely able to move and a tired glaze covered my eyes. All of a sudden I had to hold onto my consciousness with so much strength that I knew it wasn't enough. "Sam!" Embry yelled next to me, gripping my shoulders tightly and staring into my eyes. When Sam didn't react, holding Emily close and whispering words into her ear Embry yelled again. "_Sam!_" the panic painting his voice must have hit a cord, because Sam turned around so quickly that I almost didn't get it. He wasn't the only one though, the others were watching too…

I barely noticed it when another pair of hands touched me, my forehead, by hands, my pulse. It felt like a faint touch of a feather, so soft that my skin struggled to take up the touch. The air left my lungs with a strong push and I fought hard to take in another breathe of air, meanwhile my body was getting colder and the trembling worse. "…my God…happened? Take … inside... Carlisle… Paul" the words were muffled, quiet and cut. A dark fog covered my eyes and I blinked rapidly trying to see what was going on around me, but it wouldn't budge. At the mention of Paul's name I stiffened even more, a pang of burning pain took a hold of my heart and I winced loudly. Something was happening to me, and whatever it was… I didn't like it. Sam gripped my waist tightly, carrying most of my weight and guided me towards the house, but before I managed to tell my limbs to move, before I was able to make the ever stronger fog to get out of my eyes I shut down. My body wasn't cooperating anymore, I was fainting, losing the last connection to my consciousness in one single step, and all of a sudden… it all went black.

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"_NO!" I screamed as the tearing sound eloped in my ears and blood dripped slowly down her face. I wanted to die. Why had this happened to me? I didn't even know her, much less did I care about her, yet I was ready to change places with her. I wanted to protect her, something told me it was my job, but what did I have to offer? The pale person turned violently from her neck where the blood was running furiously down her body, soaking her clothes in crimson red. _

It was a vampire.

"_NO! STOP!" I cried out even louder feeling myself go weak. The only sound I managed to get out of the creature was a sneer, so vicious I should have screamed in fear. Yet I did not. "Get away from her… now." I said almost without sound. The vampire didn't answer, he just went back to finish his meal. I wanted to kill him, to rip him apart limp by limb and set fire on him. I wanted him to hurt. And I did nothing, I wasn't able to, I was too fragile, too human. I knew that he could very easily take me when he was done with the girl, but I still couldn't make myself move. _

_He came closer, walking slowly towards me while his eyes connected with mine, a warm comforting spark in them. "Don't worry, I'll be quick my love." A shiver went through my body when he called me my love and a sour taste developed in my mouth. He was standing only inches away from me, I didn't know how he did it so fast, then, he lifted his hand removing my soft, dark waves slowly from my neck. I closed my eyes as the fear attacked me, moving into every cell in my body forcing my heart to race off. I stopped breathing when I felt the cold lips on my neck and goose bumps appeared on my skin from the cold and I still didn't move. " Good bye my love," He said just before he was going to dig his teeth into my soft skin. "NO!" I suddenly exclaimed realizing what was actually happening to me, what he was doing! But it was too late, he was there readying himself to break through my skin, to find my vein and suck out every single drop of blood there was._

_I was crying in his grip, tears running smoothly down my face in both anger and sadness. After all these years this was how I was going to die? A _meal?

"_Now, now darling… don't cry," the vampire suddenly whispered, removing his teeth from my neck for a while. My breath hitched in my throat and a frightened gasp left my lips when he trailed a cold line down my neck with his finger. Goosebumps appeared on my skin and my eyes opened wide at the sudden touch. "Maybe…" he took in another breathe of air sighing at the smell of my blood. "Maybe, I'll turn you…" he whispered seductively trailing his cold lips along my jaw. My body started to tremble so bad I had trouble seeing clearly, what did he mean... turn me? His head moved upwards letting his face caress mine. His forehead leant onto my forehead and he carefully moved my body closer to his. "Please be patient, my love," he breathed against my lips letting me taste him. His eyes were closed, but I couldn't do that, I couldn't look away. He was so close, so very close. _

"_Don't be afraid… it will all be okay," he mumbled again and opened his eyes. I almost screamed in violent fear when my wide open eyes connected with his. They were red. Blood swirling around in his eyes, fresh and vibrant. I was gasping for air like a fish over water and the vampire smiled. My palms were sweating my eyes were getting more and more focused and my entire body was going rigid. When I heard the vampire move an inch or so away from me, surprise written in his flowing blood red eyes, I knew I wasn't just having a panic attack. This was something else completely. "What are you?" he sneered in my direction his posture suddenly changing to a predators. But before he got to do anything… before I had the possibility to answer, I was swept away with the wind. _

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_**Thanks for reading! **  
_

_**-Emma **_


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